Thursday, May 31, 2007

New iTunes steals your ability to turn Apple music into iPod-friendly MP3s

If you're thinking of downgrading to the new iTunes, stop! The new iTunes breaks the ability to convert the music you've bought -- even "DRM-free" songs sold at a 30 percent premium -- into MP3s that will play on your iPod.
While cumbersome, the "buy-burn-rip-to-MP3" workaround has been the primary way to start with a 99 cent iTunes download and end up with an unrestricted MP3 that will play on your Squeezebox, your non-iPod portables, or your MP3-enabled DVD player (it's not about "piracy" -- if that was your bag, you'd have started by downloading the song as an MP3 from the myriad P2P options).

So iTunes users who have an existing library of songs purchased from the iTunes Store may want to consider doing their conversions before they "upgrade" to iTunes 7.2. (Sure, you can "upgrade" some of your DRMd songs to the "DRM-free" higher-quality AAC format for 30 cents each, but remember that this is not currently an option for the vast majority of iTunes tracks.)

Link

Heterodox Errors

Paul Krugman's picture

I don't have time to weigh in on all the issues here, but I'd like to warn against an error I think both sides tend to fall into: assuming that you have to use heterodox economics to reach conclusions critical of free markets. As I said, both sides tend to fall into that error: the heterodoxishly-minded bash neoclassical economics because they claim that it automatically makes you a defender of capitalism red in tooth and claw, and the free-marketeers reject warnings about markets gone wrong as somehow necessarily reflecting ignorance of economic theory. It just ain't so.

Stock Market Bull, by Robert Reich:

To understand why the stock market continues to be bullish despite the slowdowns in American productivity and in corporate profits, you have to go back to the old law of supply and demand... When the supply of something decreases while the demand for it stays up, its price rises. Here, I’m talking about supply and demand in publicly-traded stocks.

In case you hadn’t noticed, corporate America and Wall Street are in the process of privatizing a growing portion of America’s stock market. It’s happening in two ways. First, cash-rich companies are finding they can boost their stock prices faster by buying back their shares of stock than by investing in new factories, equipment, or R&D... Meanwhile, private equity firms are doing a record amount of leveraged buyouts – that is, taking publicly-traded companies private. ...

Last year, corporate buybacks and leveraged buyouts totaled about $600 billion. That was roughly 3 and a half percent of the whole value of the American stock market. ...[T]his year, the total is going to be ... about $900 billion. That’s another 4 and a half percent...

With the supply of publicly-traded shares shrinking like this, and with lots of global money out there to buy the shares that remain, it’s no wonder the stock market is going gang busters.

Yet at some point this bubble will burst. You see, the whole reason for companies buying back their shares, and for private-equity firms doing leverage buyouts, is to put all these shares of stock back on to the public market at some point in the future, at a higher price than before.

But if stock prices are now rising largely because the supply of publicly-traded shares is shrinking, and corporations are not making long-term investments, what happens when all this stock comes back on the market?

The loud thud you’ll hear will be the sound of shares falling back to earth.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

John Kerry Email: May 29th, 2007

"The events of last week demonstrate to all of us that we still have miles to go to win the struggle to force a new direction for our policy in Iraq.

Unfortunately, at a time when direct talk is so vital, there is still an effort to marginalize those who speak out against the policy of the Bush White House and the GOP.

Join MoveOn's effort to support a brave career military man who provides one of the most credible and courageous of those voices.

A few weeks ago, the very effective grassroots veterans organization VoteVets released a series of ads featuring retired military leaders speaking out about the broken policy in Iraq. One of them, General John Batiste, spoke forcefully about Bush's "failed strategy that is breaking our great Army."

The price of speaking out? General Batiste was fired from his job at CBS.

Now, there are other retired military members voicing support for the policy of George Bush, and none of them have been fired for it.

This is another in a long line of attempts to make speaking out costly to those who do it, from the Dixie Chicks being pulled from radio play lists to the savage attacks on Jack Murtha -- the smear of Matt Dowd after he spoke out against his old boss -- or the way in which retired military leaders who dared call for Don Rumsfeld's resignation were dismissed and even attacked as disloyal, painted as threats to civilian control of the armed forces. That is cheap and it is shameful.

At a time when the administration cannot let go of the myths and outright lies it broadcast in the rush to war in Iraq, those who know better must speak out.

I know from experience how hard it can be to speak out against a war when there are many powerful forces trying to silence you. But I also know how important speaking out can be -- especially when it comes from those who know what it means to wear the uniform of our country. We need more truth about Iraq, not silenced voices.

So join our friends at MoveOn.org in calling for the reinstatement of General John Batiste.

If we stand together and speak with many strong voices, all calling for a new direction in Iraq, we will bring change.

Sincerely - John Kerry

<------------------------------------->
Click here to see Gen. Batiste's interview on Olbermann's show May 10th, 2007

Political Highlights: May 2007


"The core of this presidency has been a political doctrine that George Bush calls the 'Global War on Terror.' He has used this doctrine like a sledgehammer to justify the worst abuses and biggest mistakes of his administration... The war on terror is a slogan designed only for politics, not a strategy to make America safe. It's a bumper sticker, not a plan. It has damaged our alliances and weakened our standing in the world... The 'war' metaphor has also failed because it exaggerates the role of only one instrument of American power—the military... we must move beyond the idea of a war on terror."

  • Rudy Giuliani v. Ron Paul, and Reality

    Wed May 16, 12:29 AM ET

    The Nation -- Rudy Giuliani made clear in Tuesday night's Republican presidential debate that he is not ready to let the facts get in the way of his approach to foreign policy.

    The most heated moment in the debate, which aired live on the conservative Fox News network, came when the former New York mayor and current GOP front-runner angrily refused to entertain a serious discussion about the role that actions taken by the United States prior to the September 11, 2OO1, terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon may have played in inspiring or encouraging those attacks.

    Giuliani led the crowd of contenders on attacking Texas Congressman Ron Paul (news, bio, voting record) after the anti-war Republican restated facts that are outlined in the report of the The National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States.

    Asked about his opposition to the invasion and occupation of Iraq, Paul repeated his oft-expressed concern that instead of making the U.S. safer, U.S. interventions in the Middle East over the years have stirred up anti-American sentiment. As he did in the previous Republican debate, the Texan suggested that former President Ronald Reagan's decisions to withdraw U.S. troops from the region in the 198Os were wiser than the moves by successive Republican and Democratic presidents to increase U.S. military involvement there.

    Speaking of extremists who target the U.S, Paul said, "They attack us because we've been over there. We've been bombing Iraq for 10 years. We've been in the Middle East [for years]. I think (Ronald) Reagan was right. We don't understand the irrationality of Middle Eastern politics. Right now, we're building an embassy in Iraq that is bigger than the Vatican. We're building 14 permanent bases. What would we say here if China was doing this in our country or in the Gulf of Mexico? We would be objecting."

    Paul argued that Osama bin Laden and al-Qaeda are "delighted that we're over there" in Iraq, pointing out that, "They have already... killed 3,400 of our men and I don't think it was necessary."

    Giuliani, going for an applause line with a conservative South Carolina audience that was not exactly sympathetic with his support for abortion rights and other socially liberal positions, leapt on Paul's remarks. Interrupting the flow of the debate, Giuliani declared, "That's really an extraordinary statement. That's really an extraordinary statement, as someone who lived through the attack of Sept. 11, that we invited the attack because we were attacking Iraq. I don't think I have ever heard that before and I have heard some pretty absurd explanations for Sept. 11. I would ask the congressman withdraw that comment and tell us that he didn't really mean that."

    The mayor, who is making his response to the 9-11 attacks on New York a central feature of his presidential campaign, was joined in the assault on Paul by many of the other candidates.

    But congressman did not back down, and for good reason. Unlike Giuliani, the Texan has actually read the record.

    The 9-11 Commission report detailed how bin Laden had, in 1996, issued "his self-styled fatwa calling on Muslims to drive American soldiers out of Saudi Arabia" and identified that declaration and another in 1998 as part of "a long series" of statements objecting to U.S. military interventions in his native Saudi Arabia in particular and the Middle East in general. Statements from bin Laden and those associated with him prior to 9-11 consistently expressed anger with the U.S. military presence on the Arabian Peninsula, U.S. aggression against the Iraqi people and U.S. support of Israel.

    The 9-11 Commission based its assessments on testimony from experts on terrorism and the Middle East. Asked about the motivations of the terrorists, FBI Special Agent James Fitzgerald told the commission: "I believe they feel a sense of outrage against the United States. They identify with the Palestinian problem, they identify with people who oppose repressive regimes, and I believe they tend to focus their anger on the United States."

    Fitzgerald's was not a lonely voice in the intelligence community.

    Michael Scheuer, the former Central Intelligence Agency specialist on bin Laden and al-Qaeda, has objected to simplistic suggestions by President Bush and others that terrorists are motivated by an ill-defined irrational hatred of the United States. "The politicians really are at great fault for not squaring with the American people," Scheuer said in a CNN interview. "We're being attacked for what we do in the Islamic world, not for who we are or what we believe in or how we live. And there's a huge burden of guilt to be laid at Mr. Bush, Mr. Clinton, both parties for simply lying to the American people."

    It is true that reasonable people might disagree about the legitimacy of Muslim and Arab objections to U.S. military policies. And, certainly, the vast majority of Americans would object to any attempt to justify the attacks on this country, its citizen and its soldiers.

    But that was not what Paul was doing. He was trying to make a case, based on what we know from past experience, for bringing U.S. troops home from Iraq.

    Giuliani's reaction to Paul's comments, especially the suggestion that they should be withdrawn, marked him as the candidate peddling "absurd explanations."

    Viewers of the debate appear to have agreed. An unscientific survey by Fox News asked its viewers to send text messages identifying the winner. Tens of thousands were received and Paul ranked along with Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney as having made the best showing.

    No wonder then that, when asked about his dust-up with Giuliani, Paul said he'd be "delighted" to debate the front-runner on foreign policy.

Giuliani's Legacy: A Change In The Way New Yorkers Think About Crime, Welfare, Quality Of Life, Squeegee Men

By John Tierney

The first step in assessing a mayor's legacy is to disregard the press clippings. We journalists get distracted by personalities, by feuds, by our bias to see something happening that will fill our news hole. Fiorello La Guardia and John Lindsay were both lionized by the press because they were so energetic and made such good copy. But their legacies are far less inspiring. I think they were the two worst mayors of the 20th century.

La Guardia rescued New York from bankruptcy and Tammany Hall, but he also left New York with higher taxes, larger bureaucracies, more entrenched civil servants, rent control, public housing projects and many, many debts. He built some great public works, but he also helped create the organizations that now eat up so much public money that we can barely afford to maintain our public facilities, let along build anything new.

John Lindsay was wonderfully photogenic when he walked the streets to keep the peace, but his lasting legacy in poor neighborhoods was the doubling of the welfare rolls. During one of the greatest economic booms in history, he encouraged 600,000 adults to stop working. Their children and grandchildren are still paying the price. And so, of course, are taxpayers -- at least the ones who didn't flee town to escape the singularly destructive array of new taxes that Lindsay came up with to finance his social visions.

Giuliani's legacy is less grandiose -- and that's a relief. Mayors ought to be guided by the same principle as doctors: First do no harm. Giuliani hasn't left us with huge new programs to pay for. There are some unnecessary stadiums, but even those white elephants are cheap by traditional New York standards.

His greatest legacy is psychological. He has changed the way New Yorkers think about crime, welfare, quality of life, squeegee men. We can argue how much credit he really deserves for the drop in crime -- a lot, I think. But even if you don't believe he deserves most of the credit for what happened, he has undeniably changed the way people perceive crime and crime fighting. It used to be considered beyond a mayor's control, beyond the police's control. Remember when the Daily News ran that headline pleading with Mayor Dinkins to "DO SOMETHING"? It summed up the city's frustration, but not many of us thought that the mayor could actually do much. Giuliani's campaign promises to reduce crime were dismissed as hopelessly unrealistic -- mere code words designed to appeal to people's racism.

Now it's different. Thanks to the perception that Giuliani brought down crime, people expect the next mayor to do the same. And thanks to the Comstat crime-reporting reforms of Giuliani's administration, people will know quickly if crime starts going back up. So there is enormous pressure on future mayors and the police department to keep crime down. That is a crucial legacy.

The same goes for the Squeegee Watershed, as I like to call the revolution in thinking about quality of life . Before Giuliani, the squeegee guys who forcibly washed car windows when drivers stopped for red lights were considered inevitable. He was mocked for even suggesting that they should be banished. Columnists called it a trivial issue, a mean-spirited attack on the poor. But Giuliani ignored them and kept pressing the issue, and the squeegee extortionists disappeared. The next mayor is sure to keep up the pressure -- Mark Green has threatened to cut off the arm of the first squeegee man he sees. New Yorkers will not tolerate the grime and disorder that became the norm in the 1970s and 1980s. They've seen it doesn't have to be that way.

But beyond that psychological legacy, how has Giuliani changed the city and the way the government operates? Here the answers are not so inspiring. Our economy has boomed, but it's still dangerously dependent on Wall Street. A lot more people want to live and do business here because the streets are safer and cleaner, but the taxes are still exorbitant and the cost of housing is still prohibitively high.

Like LaGuardia, one of Rudy Giuliani's greatest strengths is also his greatest flaw. Both of them saw themselves as beyond ideology; they said they were not zealots guided by political principles. This sounds nice in the abstract. But it also means that, if you are not guided by an ideology, you run the risk of being guided by personal whim. Both Giuliani and LaGuardia had the overriding conviction that they knew better how to run things than anybody else.

Giuliani campaigned on promises to reduce taxes and the size of government. He talked the reinventing-government talk. He had gone to the Manhattan Institute; he had taken advice from mayors like Steve Goldsmith of Indianapolis. Goldsmith liked to tell his own squeegee story. When Goldsmith came into the city to advise Giuliani, he was stopped by one of the squeegee men. It occurred to him that city government is like a squeegee man: It provides a service you didn't ask for; it does the job badly; and then it charges you. Goldsmith improved public services in Indianapolis by introducing competition: letting private companies bid against public agencies for jobs.

Giuliani did a little of this his first term with bids for a couple of park districts. Homeless services were privatized very effectively. But then the effort pretty much stopped. He gave up reinventing government in exchange for peace with the unions.

The number of city employees is now greater than at any time in the past quarter century. Giuliani has streamlined some of the regulatory apparatus, reorganized agencies and improved management, but he hasn't made the fundamental reforms that are guaranteed to last. His legacy is a municipal government that is still the most bloated in America.

At the same time, there's been a major change in the city's welfare state. Ten years ago, welfare reform and workfare were terribly controversial ideas. Workfare was compared to slavery. Advocates howled when Giuliani insisted on fingerprinting welfare recipients to prevent fraud. Giuliani ignored them. He scoffed at the city's intellectual establishment. How, he asked, could intellectuals object to fingerprinting someone who gets a check for doing nothing when people who work for their checks are being fingerprinted? Today you don't hear many complaints about fingerprinting. The social-services industry is still strong and fighting, but Giuliani has changed the intellectual atmosphere about welfare. More important, he has halved the welfare rolls, reversing the expansion of the Lindsay era.

The results have been dramatic, as the New York Times documented in a series about a block of Harlem. Over the course of five years it was transformed from a dangerous place where few people worked to a safe street where former welfare recipients now go to work in the morning. It was revived thanks to welfare reform, the drop in crime and another unheralded program of Giuliani's: the return of property to private owners. The Giuliani administration has been rushing to sell off all the buildings that the city owned, which has made an enormous difference in the poor neighborhoods blighted by these boarded-up buildings.

The revival of poor neighborhoods is one of Giulianis' lasting legacies It was always relatively safe to live on the Upper West Side or the Upper East Side. The poor neighborhoods are where the most lives have been saved and the most blocks have been transformed by Giuliani. It is ironic, of course, that those are the neighborhoods where is least admired. His unpopularity is partly his own fault -- his lack of effort to reach out to those communities, his insensitivity to the resentment caused by some of his policies, notably policing. But he is also disliked because he is a Rep ublican taking on a Democratic establishment, and because he is a reformer attacking the social programs that provided so much patronage in those neighborhoods. Previous mayors poured plenty of empathy and money into Harlem, which delighted (and enriched) the local leaders but did little for the neighborhoods. Lindsay and Dinkins left a legacy of good will. Giuliani leaves a legacy of good neighborhoods.

John Tierney is a columnist for the New York Times

Giuliani's Legacy: Taking Credit For Things He Didn't Do

By Wayne Barrett

Rudy Giuliani's legacy is that he was the luckiest mayor we have had in a long time. He was blessed by being mayor when we had a great national upsurge in the economy. He was blessed by being mayor when we had a national downturn in crime. He was blessed because he had very little to do with either phenomenon in New York, but most New Yorkers and most tourists will think he did.

Most celebrants of Rudy Giuliani seem mesmerized by the disappearance of the squeegee men. As I wrote in my book "Rudy," the issue of the squeegees is where the hocus pocus started:

Candidate Rudy promised to wash them out of our hair. While they seemed everywhere, an NYPD report found that there were only 75 of them in 1993, planted like Calvin Klein billboards in unavoidable locations. So Ray Kelly, the police commissioner who worked for Dinkins, heard Giuliani's campaign cry and drove the squeegees off the streets before Rudy raised his own Windex-free right hand on inaugural day. The whole world, years later, thinks Rudy did it -- the predictable result of endless repetition.

But Bill Bratton himself conceded in his 1998 book that by the time he arrived at police headquarters, the squeegees were gone, noting that, "ironically, Giuliani and I got credit for the initiative." Only politics, Bratton concluded, prevented David Dinkins and Ray Kelly from receiving their due.

Similarly, there is almost no Giuliani policy that has anything to do with the economic boom. Wall Street drove the boom. The only policy that he has ever even specifically argued had anything to do with the economic upsurge was his lowering of the hotel tax, which he says opened the way for the surge in tourism. Actually, Governor Mario Cuomo lowered the state tax on hotels by several times the amount that Mayor Giuliani lowered the city tax. I think in any case, people could reasonably doubt whether the lowering of the hotel tax was responsible for the expansion of tourism.

We are in a recession now, and nobody blames the initial downturn on Rudy Giuliani. In the same way, nobody should credit him for the rising economy.

Of course, some people attribute some of the rising economy in the city to the drop in the crime rate. But what did Rudy Giuliani do to produce the drop in the crime rate? The crime rate has declined in cities throughout the country. In Seattle, for example, where the murder rate was declining far faster than it was in New York, Lenny Levitt of Newsday called the police c ommissioner and asked him what was causing the lowering crime rate in his town. And the police commissioner said, "we have no idea" He did not say, "we did it."

In the final days of the administration of David Dinkins, we had 36 consecutive months of decline in the crime statistics across the board, in the seven index crimes. Murder went down 14 percent. Those last 36 months under Dinkins reversed trends that were a decade old. Who should get the credit, the mayor who reversed the trend or the mayor who deepened the trend?

Obviously, we know who's gotten the credit. The New York Times has done, by my latest count, twelve front-page articles about the decline in the crime rate under Rudy Giuliani. It did one article about the decline in the crime rate under David Dinkins -- and in that 55-paragraph story, it never mentioned the name of David Dinkins. What Rudy Giuliani has managed to do is mug the media into accepting as fact that he is the man who caused it to happen.

John Tierney points out the irony of communities of color being the communities that have benefited most from the decline in crime. Maybe they caused that decline. If the crime rate was soaring, we know they are the ones who would be blamed. In the Giuliani years, there has also been a decline in AIDS deaths, in drug deaths, in infant mortality, in all the major problems that have plagued poor communities. Did Giuliani cause all that too? Or was it that the communities of color, ravaged by the crack cocaine epidemic of the 1980s, looked at themselves and did something about it.

There is not a single police tactic other than Comstat, that any of the experts has ever looked at and said was responsible for the decline in crime. Rudy has tried to say, for example, "we cracked down on guns," and by cracking down on guns, the guys in the subways who had the guns could not go out and commit the murders." But did you know that in the final three years of the Dinkins administration, gun arrests averaged 7,300? They have averaged 4,000 under Giuliani. The strategy of cracking down on guns was a Ray Kelly/David Dinkins initiative. By the time Rudy Giuliani took office, gun arrests, if they had any impact on the murder rate, were already having it.

The only real claim that Rudy Giuliani can make to a legacy at all is in the crime statistics, and they have been miserably manipulated

Thirteen percent of the total decline in crime statistics in New York was in larcenies of under fifty dollars. In 95 percent of larcenies, there is no contact between the individuals involved. It is the least threatening crime. Forty-two percent of the total decline in crime under Rudy Giuliani was auto thefts and the theft of auto parts. There are three different kinds of burglary: forcible, non-forcible, and attempted forced burglary. Attempted forced burglary is where you are sitting in your living room, somebody tries to break in, sees you there, and turns around. Or you come home from work, and you can see somebody has tried to get into your apartment, because somebody jimmied with the lock.

The statistic in burglary that has gone down dramatically, by 90 percent under Giuliani, is this victimless attempted forced burglary. In one year, 1996, it went from thirty thousand to four thousand. This is unparalleled anywhere else in the United States. It went from 41 percent of all burglaries to three percent of all burglaries.

And how did it happen? When you call a precinct and tell them, "Somebody tried to break into my house. Come over and take a look," they will tell you, "We don't do that anymore. If you want to report an attempted forced burglary come to the precinct." There is no insurance claim to file, so people don't go to the precinct. That is why that statistic dropped off the books of the City of New York.

This is how the crime stats have been manipulated. Rudy Giuliani is not a management expert, he is a statistical expert. He has jimmied every number we live by. This is not to say that crime has not declined, and has not declined dramatically, in the Giuliani era. But is he responsible for the margin of difference between that decline in New York and the decline in other major urban areas? He is not. And he has tricked us into thinking that he is.

Some people seem to believe that the perception of a reduction in crime is more important than the reality. But I think there is another perception, that Rudy Giuliani's administration, while it may have been effective in dealing with crime, has caused great pain in minority communities through abusive police tactics. I believe that that is an accurate perception. Rudy constantly throws numbers around that suggest it is inaccurate. I think he completely distorts those numbers. But the point is that that is a profound perception in the city now

It is not just issues of police abuse. Under Giuliani, black employment in city government reversed a decades long trend of slow and gradual growth. We actually saw a significant decline in black employment in all city agencies. During the greatest increase in the police department in the course of any administration, and a police exam that had produced the largest number of blacks and Latinos who passed, the Giuliani administration threw out the results of the exam as they began to hire. The fire department, where 95 percent of the supervisors were white when Rudy Giuliani took office, got even whiter. In the Civilian Complaint Review Board, which is supposed to examine instances of police abuse, black staff declined by 49 percent between 1995 and 1999. Above all, no one knows what happened to the 600,000 people, mostly minority, who have been knocked off the welfare rolls in course of the Giuliani era. Nobody knows how many of them got jobs. The workfare program was used to knock people off of welfare. People were kicked off welfare if they missed a day, if they came in late. That was the primary purpose of the workfare program, because there was certainly no training. There was certainly no job placement. The New York Times reported that only 3.5 percent of a thousand welfare recipients that it sampled got permanent jobs.

The faultline between the mayor and the black community is really quite deep. It is just common courtesy to meet with elected officials, such as Carl McCall or Virginia Fields, but Giuliani did not do so for years.

That he made war on one of the communities of the city is one of the reasons why Rudy Giuliani will never be regarded historically as one of the great mayors of New York.

Wayne Barrett, a senior editor at the Village Voice, is the author of "Rudy! An Investigative Biography of Rudolph Giuliani"

###

Read Giuliani's Legacy: A Change In The Way New Yorkers Think About Crime, Welfare, Quality Of Life, Squeegee Men by John Tierney

Read The Second Most Effective Mayor Of The 20th Century by Kenneth T. Jackson

Monday, May 28, 2007

Trust and Betrayal, by Paul Krugman, Commentary, NY Times:

“In this place where valor sleeps, we are reminded why America has always gone to war reluctantly, because we know the costs of war.” That’s what President Bush said last year, in a Memorial Day ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery.

Those were fine words, spoken by a man with less right to say them than any president in our nation’s history. For Mr. Bush took us to war not with reluctance, but with unseemly eagerness.

Now that war has turned into an epic disaster... Yet Congress seems powerless to stop it. How did it all go so wrong?

Future historians will shake their heads over how easily America was misled into war. The warning signs ... were there, for those willing to see them, right from the beginning... But the nation, brought together in grief and anger over the attack, wanted to trust the man occupying the White House. ...

It’s a terrible story, yet it’s also understandable...: nations almost always rally around their leaders in times of war, no matter how bad the leaders and no matter how poorly conceived the war.

The question was whether the public would ever catch on. Well, to the immense relief of those who spent years trying to get the truth out, they did. Last November Americans voted overwhelmingly to bring an end to Mr. Bush’s war.

Yet the war goes on.

To keep the war going, the administration has brought the original bogyman back out of the closet. At first, Mr. Bush said he would bring Osama bin Laden in, dead or alive. Within seven months..., however, he had lost interest: “I wouldn’t necessarily say he’s at the center of any command structure,” he said in March 2002. “I truly am not that concerned about him.” ...

But Osama is back: last week Mr. Bush invoked his name 11 times in a single speech, warning that if we leave Iraq, Al Qaeda — which wasn’t there when we went in — will be the winner. And Democrats, still fearing that they will end up accused of being weak on terror and not supporting the troops, gave Mr. Bush another year’s war funding.

Democratic Party activists were furious, because polls show a public utterly disillusioned ... and anxious to see the war ended. But it’s not clear that the leadership was wrong to be cautious. The truth is that the nightmare of the Bush years won’t really be over until politicians are convinced that voters will punish, not reward, Bush-style fear-mongering. And that hasn’t happened yet.

Here’s the way it ought to be: When Rudy Giuliani says that Iran, which had nothing to do with 9/11, is part of a “movement” that “has already displayed more aggressive tendencies by coming here and killing us,” he should be treated as a lunatic.

When Mitt Romney says that a coalition of “Shia and Sunni and Hezbollah and Hamas and the Muslim Brotherhood and Al Qaeda” wants to “bring down the West,” he should be ridiculed for his ignorance.

And when John McCain says that Osama, who isn’t in Iraq, will “follow us home” if we leave, he should be laughed at.

But they aren’t, at least not yet. And until belligerent, uninformed posturing starts being treated with the contempt it deserves, men who know nothing of the cost of war will keep sending other people’s children to graves at Arlington.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Pres. Abraham Lincoln - November 19th, 1863

"Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the
proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived
and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final
resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But,
in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate--we cannot consecrate--we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here,
have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here but it can
never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have
thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us,--that from these honored dead we
take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion--that we here highly resolve that these dead shall
not have died in vain--that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom--that government of the people, by the people, for the
people, shall not perish from the earth.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

- Memorial Day 2007 -

Remarks of Senator Barack Obama on the Iraq War

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Senate Floor

On Thursdays, Senator Durbin and I hold a constituent coffee so we can hear from the folks back home. A young man came a few months ago who was about 25, 26 years old. He had been back from Iraq for a year. The first months of that year he spent in a coma. An explosion had shattered his face, blinded him in both eyes, and has left him without the use of one arm.

He told us about how he was going through rehab, and he introduced us to his family. He has a wife and two young daughters like I do, and his wife talked for a bit about the adjustments they were making at home since dad got hurt. And I found myself looking at not just him, but at his wife, who loves him so much, and I thought about how their lives were forever changed because of the decision that was carried out four years ago.

The sacrifices of war are immeasurable.

I first made this point in the fall of 2002, at the end of the speech I gave opposing the invasion of Iraq. I said then that I certainly do not oppose all wars, but dumb wars – rash wars. Because there is no decision more profound than the one we make to send our brave men and women into harm’s way.

I’ve thought about these words from time to time since that speech, but never so much as the day I saw that young man and his wife.

The sacrifices of war are immeasurable. Too many have returned from Iraq with that soldier’s story – with broken bodies and shattered nerves and wounds that even the best care may not heal. Too many of our best have come home shrouded in the flag they loved. Too many moms and dads and husbands and wives have answered that knock on the door that’s the hardest for any loved one to hear.

And the rest of us have seen too many promises of swift victories, and dying insurgencies, and budding democracy give way to the reality of a brutal civil war that goes on and on and on to this day.

The sacrifices of war are immeasurable. It was not impossible to see back then that we might arrive at the place we’re at today.

I said then that a war based not on reason but on passion, not on principle but on politics would lead to a US occupation of undetermined length, at undetermined cost, with undetermined consequences. I believed that an invasion of Iraq without a clear rationale or strong international support would only strengthen the recruitment arm of al-Qaeda and erode the good standing and moral authority that took our country generations to build. There were other experts, and leaders, and everyday Americans who believed this too.

I wish we had been wrong. I wish we weren’t here talking about this at the beginning of the war’s fifth year. Because the consequences of this war have been profound. And the sacrifices have been immeasurable.

Those who would have us continue this war in perpetuity like to say that this is a matter of resolve on behalf of the American people. But the American people have been extraordinarily resolved. They have seen their sons and daughters killed or wounded on the streets of Fallujah. They have spent hundreds of billions of dollars on this effort – money that could have been devoted to strengthening our homeland security and our competitive standing as a nation.

No, it has not been a failure of resolve that has led us to this chaos, but a failure of strategy – a strategy that has only strengthened Iran’s strategic position; increased threats posed by terrorist organizations; reduced U.S. credibility and influence around the world; and placed Israel and other nations friendly to the United States in the region in greater peril.

Iraq has not been a failure of resolve, it has been a failure of strategy – and that strategy must change. It is time bring a responsible end to this conflict is now.

There is no military solution to this war. No amount of U.S. soldiers – not 10,000 more, not 20,000 more, not the almost 30,000 more that we now know we are sending– can solve the grievances that lay at the heart of someone else’s civil war. Our troops cannot serve as their diplomats, and we can no longer referee their civil war. We must begin a phased withdrawal of our forces starting May 1st, with the goal of removing all combat forces by March 30th, 2008.

We also must make sure that we’re not as careless getting out of this war as we were getting in, and that’s why this withdrawal should be gradual, and keep some U.S. troops in the region to prevent a wider war and go after Al Qaeda and other terrorists.

But it must begin soon. Letting the Iraqis know that we will not be there forever is our last, best hope to pressure the Iraqis to take ownership of their country and bring an end to their conflict. It is time for our troops to start coming home.

History will not judge the architects of this war kindly. But the books have yet to be written on our efforts to right the wrongs we see in Iraq. The story has yet to be told about how we turned from this moment, found our way out of the desert, and took to heart the lessons of war that too many refused to heed back then.

For it is of little use or comfort to recall past advice and warnings if we do not allow them to guide us in the challenges that lie ahead. Threats loom large in an age where terrorist networks thrive, and there will certainly be times when we have to call on our brave servicemen and women to risk their lives again.

But before we make that most profound of all decisions – before we send our best off to battle, we must remember what led us to this day and learn from the principles that follow.

We must remember that ideology is not a foreign policy. We must not embark on war based on untested theories, political agendas or wishful thinking that has little basis in fact or reality. We must focus our efforts on the threats we know exist, and we must evaluate those threats with sound intelligence that is never manipulated for political reasons again.

We must remember that the cost of going it alone is immense. It is a choice we sometimes have to make, but one that must be made rarely and always reluctantly. That is because America’s standing in the world is a precious resource not easily rebuilt. We value the cooperation and goodwill of other nations not because it makes us feel good, but because it makes all the world safer – because the only way to battle 21st century threats that race across borders – threats like terror, and disease, and nuclear proliferation – is to enlist the resources and support of all nations. To win our wider struggle, we must let people across this planet know that there is another, more hopeful alternative to the hateful ideologies the terrorists espouse – and a renewed America will reflect and champion that vision.

We must remember that planning for peace is just as critical as planning for war. Iraq was not just a failure of conception, but a failure of execution, and so when a conflict does arise that requires our involvement, we must do our best to understand that country’s history, its politics, its ethnic and religious divisions before our troops ever set foot on its soil.

We must understand that setting up ballot boxes does not a democracy make – that real freedom and real stability come from doing the hard work of helping to build a strong police force, and a legitimate government, and ensuring that people have food, and water, and electricity, and basic services. And we must be honest about how much of that we can do ourselves and how much must come from the people themselves.

Finally, we must remember that when we send our servicemen and women to war, we make sure we’ve given them the training they need, and the equipment that will keep them safe, and a mission they can accomplish.

We must respect our commanders’ advice not just when it’s politically convenient, but even when it’s not what we want to hear. And when our troops come home, it is our most solemn responsibility to make sure they come home to the services, and the benefits, and the care they deserve.

As we stand at the beginning of the fifth year of this war, let us remember that young man from Illinois, and his wife, and his daughters, and the thousands upon thousands of families who are living the very real consequences and immeasurable sacrifices that have come from our decision to invade Iraq.

We are so blessed in this country to have so many men and women like this – Americans willing to put on that uniform, and say the hard goodbyes, and risk their lives in a far off land because they know that such consequences and sacrifices are sometimes necessary to defend our country and achieve a lasting peace.

That is why we have no greater responsibility than to ensure that the decision to place them in harm’s way is the right one. And that is why we must learn the lessons of Iraq. It is what we owe our soldiers. It is what we owe their families. And it is what we owe our country – now, and in all the days and months to come. Thank you.


Remarks of Senator Barack Obama Floor Statement on New Leadership Resolution on Iraq

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Mr. President, the news from Iraq is very bad.

Last week, a suicide bomber stood outside a bookstore and killed 20 people. Other attacks killed 118 Shiite pilgrims. On Sunday, a car bomb went off in central Baghdad and more than 30 people died. And the road from the airport into Baghdad is littered with smoldering debris, craters from improvised explosive devices, and the memories of our sons and daughters.

The civil war rages on. The insurgents have started to change their tactics. They hide in buildings and along the streets and wait for our helicopters. They have shot down at least 8 U.S helicopters in the last month. More of our soldiers are dying and coming home with their bodies broken and their nerves shattered and a VA system completely unprepared for what they need to rebuild their lives.

It is not enough for the President to tell us that victory in this war is simply a matter of American resolve. The American people have been extraordinarily resolved. They have seen their sons and daughters killed or wounded on the streets of Fallujah. They have spent hundreds of billions of dollars on this effort – money that could have been devoted to strengthening our homeland security and our competitive standing as a nation. No, it has not been a failure of resolve that has led us to this chaos, but a failure of strategy – and that strategy must change.

There is no military solution to the civil war that rages on in Iraq. And it is time for us to redeploy so that a political solution becomes possible.

The news from Iraq is very bad, and it has been that way for the last four years.

We all wish that the land the President and the Vice President speak of, exists. We wish that there was an Iraq where the insurgency was in its last throes; where the people work with security; where the children play outside; where a vibrant new democracy lights up the nighttime sky. But there is no alternative reality to what we see and read about in the news—to what we have experienced these long four years.

There is no military solution to this war. At this point, no amount of soldiers can solve the grievances at the heart of someone else’s civil war. The Iraqi people – Shia, Sunni, and Kurd – must come to the table and reach a political settlement themselves. If they want peace, they must do the hard work necessary to achieve it. Our failed strategy in Iraq has strengthened Iran’s strategic position; reduced U.S. credibility and influence around the world; and placed Israel and other nations friendly to the United States in the region in greater peril. These are not the signs of a well-laid plan. It is time for profound change.

This is what we are trying to do here today. We are saying it is time to start making plans to redeploy our troops so they can refocus on the wider struggle against terrorism, win the war in Afghanistan, strengthen our position in the Middle East, and pressure the Iraqis to reach a political settlement. Even if this effort falls short, we will continue to try to accomplish what the American people asked of us last November.

This new effort is gaining consensus. I want to commend Senator Reid for his efforts. He took the time to listen to so many of us from both chambers of Congress to develop this plan.

The decision to begin a phased redeployment with the goal of redeploying all of our combat forces by March 31, 2008 is the right step. It is a measure the Iraq Study Group called for, an idea I borrowed from them, and an idea that more than 60 co-sponsors, from House and the Senate and from both sides of the aisle, have supported since I announced a similar plan in January.

The decision to allow some U.S. forces to remain in Iraq with the clear mission to protect U.S. and coalition personnel, conduct counter-terrorism operations, and to train and equip Iraqi forces is a smart decision. President al-Maliki spoke at a conference and warned that the violence in Iraq could spread throughout the region if it goes unchecked. By maintaining a strong presence in Iraq and the Middle East, we can ensure that the chaos does not spread.

The decision to begin this phased redeployment within 120 days is a practical one. Our military options have been exhausted. It is time to seek a political solution to this war. With this decision, we send a clear signal—not to our enemies—but to the Sunnis, Shia, and Kurds that they must find their own solution to the political and centuries-old battle being fought on the streets today.

And the decision to make this redeployment part of a comprehensive diplomatic and economic strategy in the region is the kind of leadership we need to re-establish our standing in the world and renew our allies’ respect for our cause.

While I strongly believe that this war should never have been authorized, I believe that we must be as careful in ending the war as we were careless getting in. While I prefer my approach, I believe that this new resolution does begin to point U.S. policy in Iraq and the region in the right direction.

An end to the war and achieving a political solution to Iraq’s civil war will not happen unless we demand it. Peace with stability doesn’t just happen because we wish for it. It comes when we never give in and never give up and never tire of working toward a life on earth worthy of our human dignity.

The decisions that have been made have led us to this crossroads—this moment of great peril. We have a choice. We can continue down the road that has weakened our credibility and damaged our strategic interests in the region. Or we can take a turn toward the future. That road will not be smooth, and there are risks involved with any approach.

But this approach is our last, best hope to end this war so we can bring our troops home and begin the hard work of securing our country and our world from the threats we face.

The President has said that he will continue down the road toward more troops and more of the same failed policies. The President sought and won the authorization from Congress to wage this war from the start. But he is now dismissing and ignoring the will of an American people that is tired of years of watching the human and financial tolls mount.

The news from Iraq is very bad, but it can change if we say enough.

Let this be the day that begins the painful and difficult work of moving from this crossroad.

Let this be the day that begins our pull toward the future with a responsible conclusion to this painful chapter in our nation’s history.

Let this be the day when we finally send a message that is so clear, so emphatic that it cannot be ignored.

Thank you, and I yield the floor.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Fear of Eating, by Paul Krugman, Commentary, NY Times: Yesterday I did something risky: I ate a salad.

These are anxious days at the lunch table. For all you know, there may be E. coli on your spinach, salmonella in your peanut butter and melamine in your pet’s food and, because it was in the feed, in your chicken sandwich.

Who’s responsible...? Some blame globalization; some blame food-producing corporations; some blame the Bush administration. But I blame Milton Friedman.

Now, those who blame globalization do have a point. ...[S]ince the Food and Drug Administration has limited funds..., it can inspect only a small percentage of imports. This leaves American consumers effectively dependent on the quality of foreign food-safety enforcement. And that’s not a healthy place to be... [L]ast month the [FDA] detained shipments from China that included dried apples treated with carcinogenic chemicals and seafood “coated with putrefying bacteria.” You can be sure that a lot of similarly unsafe and disgusting food ends up in American stomachs.

Those who blame corporations also have a point. In 2005, the F.D.A. suspected that peanut butter produced by ConAgra ... might be contaminated with salmonella. According to The New York Times, “when agency inspectors went to the plant..., the company acknowledged it had destroyed some product but...”... refused to let the inspectors examine its records without a written authorization.

According to the company, the agency never followed through. This brings us to our third villain, the Bush administration.

Without question, America’s food safety system has degenerated... [S]ince 2001 the F.D.A. has introduced no significant new food safety regulations...

This isn’t simply a matter of caving in to industry pressure... The ... United Fresh Produce Association says that ... without strong mandatory federal regulations..., scrupulous growers and processors risk being undercut by competitors more willing to cut corners on food safety. ...

Why would the administration refuse to regulate an industry that actually wants to be regulated? Officials ... are also influenced by an ideology that says business should never be regulated, no matter what.

The economic case for having the government enforce rules on food safety seems overwhelming. Consumers have no way of knowing whether the food they eat is contaminated, and in this case what you don’t know can hurt or even kill you. But there are some people who refuse to accept that case, because it’s ideologically inconvenient.

That’s why I blame ... Milton Friedman, who called for the abolition of both the food and the drug sides of the F.D.A. What would protect the public from dangerous or ineffective drugs? “It’s in the self-interest of pharmaceutical companies not to have these bad things,” he insisted... He would presumably have applied the same logic to food safety (as he did to airline safety): regardless of circumstances, you can always trust the private sector to police itself.

O.K., I’m not saying that Mr. Friedman directly caused tainted spinach and poisonous peanut butter. But he did help to make our food less safe, by legitimizing what the historian Rick Perlstein calls “E. coli conservatives”: ideologues who won’t accept even the most compelling case for government regulation.

Earlier this month the administration named, you guessed it, a “food safety czar.” But the food safety crisis isn’t caused by the arrangement of the boxes on the organization chart. It’s caused by the dominance within our government of a literally sickening ideology.

WEALTH OF NATIONS
Globalization's Gains Come With a Price

While Poor Benefit,
Inequality Feeds
A Backlash Overseas
By BOB DAVIS and JOHN LYONS in Puebla, Mexico, and ANDREW BATSON in Dalian, China
May 24, 2007; Page A1

PUEBLA, Mexico -- Like millions of other low-wage workers here, Hermenegildo Flores was supposed to benefit from Mexico's decision to open its economy to foreign trade and investment in the 1990s. For a time, he did. As U.S. companies boosted purchases from Mexican factories, Mr. Flores's salary nearly doubled to $68 a week in 2001.

[Charts]1

Then foreign competition from places like India, Pakistan and El Salvador intensified: Mr. Flores, who sewed pockets onto blue jeans, says his foreman "would go around shouting, 'If you don't work harder, we are going to shut this plant down and move it to Central America.'" Today, Mr. Flores is unemployed, having accepted a $900 buyout in April after the company switched to new machines.

A decade ago, the globalization of commerce promised to be a boon to low-wage workers in developing nations. As wealthy nations shed millions of jobs making apparel, electronics, and other goods, economists predicted that low-skilled workers in Latin America and Asia would benefit because there would be greater demand for their labor -- and better wages.

In some ways, globalization delivered as promised. But there was an unexpected consequence. As trade, foreign investment and technology have spread, the gap between economic haves and have-nots has frequently widened, not only in wealthy countries like the U.S. but in poorer ones like Mexico, Argentina, India and China as well. Many economists now say that the biggest winners by far are those with the education and skills to take advantage of new opportunities, leaving many lagging far behind. Incomes of low-skilled workers may rise, but incomes of skilled workers rise a lot faster.

"While globalization was expected to help the less skilled...in developing countries, there is overwhelming evidence that these are generally not better off, at least not relative to workers with higher skill or education levels," write economists Pinelopi Koujianou Goldberg of Yale University and Nina Pavcnik of Dartmouth in the spring issue of the Journal of Economic Literature.

GROWING DIVIDE
The Issue: Globalization is helping to widen the income gap between rich and poor in many developing countries.

The Background: Economists once predicted that in developing nations, globalization would most benefit low-skilled workers.

What It Means: Growing inequality feeds arguments that globalization benefits only the elite. That's helped populist presidential candidates in Latin America and is a source of worry for officials in China.

Globalization deserves credit for helping lift many millions out of poverty and for improving standards of living of low-wage families. In developing countries around the world, globalization -- defined as trading and participating in the global economy -- has created a vibrant middle class that has elevated the standards of living for hundreds of millions of people. That's particularly true in China, where the incomes of low-skilled workers have consistently risen. The poor in countries like Vietnam and elsewhere in Southeast Asia have also benefited greatly since those countries have opened their economies. In many developing countries around the world, life expectancies and health care have improved, as have educational opportunities.

But because globalization is also creating more inequality, it is raising questions about how much inequality countries can bear and whether these gaps could ultimately produce a backlash that will undermine trade and investment liberalization around the world.

Following the U.S.

Many developing nations seem to be following in the footsteps of the U.S., where the income gap has grown sharply since the early 1970s. A 2006 study of Latin America, a region long marked by profound gaps between rich and poor, by World Bank economists Guillermo Perry and Marcelo Olarreaga found that the income divide deepened after economic liberalization in nine of the 12 countries examined.

While that could partly be explained by Latin America's slow rate of economic growth, income gaps are widening in fast-growing Asian nations as well, including Thailand and India. It's even grown in the past decade in South Korea, a country long known for an egalitarian commitment to education.

Then there's China. One of the fastest-growing economies in the world has generated significant wage gains for its rank and file. Yet income inequality is also growing because of the huge gains being posted by the upper crust. Between 1984 and 2004, China's income inequality as measured by the Gini index -- zero is perfect equality and 100 is perfect inequality -- increased to 47 from 29, according to World Bank researchers Martin Ravallion and Shaohua Chen. From 2000 to 2005, per-capita income of the bottom 10% of urban households in China rose 26% while those at the top saw gains of 133%.

While Mexico hasn't experienced the spectacular growth of China, wages of those at the bottom 10th percentile of urban full-time workers increased 12% between 1987, when the country first took steps toward opening its economy, and 2004. Since 2000, the percentage of Mexicans living in extreme poverty also has fallen below 20% for the first time ever in the nation's history.

Even so, skilled workers in Mexico still earn far more relative to unskilled workers than they did before liberalization. In 2004, urban full-time workers at the top 10th percentile earned 4.7 times more than those at the bottom 10th, compared with four times as much in 1987, according to Columbia University economists Eric Verhoogen and Kensuke Teshima.

By other measures, income inequality is far greater. The World Bank, for instance, estimates that the top 10% of Mexicans accounted for 39% of the country's total spending in 2004, while the bottom 10% accounted for less than 2%.

The consequences of widening income inequality are profound. Those without much education or skills often find themselves stuck in jobs in the underground economy that don't pay health-care or pension benefits. That's boosted immigration to better-off regions domestically or to the U.S. and Europe, where anti-immigrant sentiment is surging.

Growing inequality also feeds the populist argument that globalization is a sucker's game that benefits only the elites.

In Latin America, that sense of alienation has powered populist presidential candidates who won in Ecuador, Bolivia, Nicaragua and Venezuela and came close to carrying Mexico last year. In China, the ruling Communist Party worries that support for liberalization could crumble. The government needs to "safeguard social fairness and justice and ensure that all of the people share in the fruits of reform and development," said Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao in March.

How does globalization boost inequality? The question is too fresh to have definitive answers, but it's clear that international competition forces local firms to add skilled workers who can handle newer technology and shed workers who can't. Foreign firms bring new technology to developing nations and boost demand there for skilled workers by paying 10% to 20% more than domestic firms, says Dirk Willem te Velde, a research fellow at the Overseas Development Institute, a United Kingdom think tank.

Access to education also plays an important role. Developing nations rarely crank out enough college-trained workers to match growing demand, boosting the wages for fresh graduates. Unskilled workers who get laid off can't find retraining and add to the pool of workers looking for low-wage work.

The effects of globalization are vividly on display in Puebla, a lively city of 1.5 million known for its baroque churches and colonial architecture. Located between the port of Veracruz and Mexico City, 70 miles to the northwest, Puebla has long been a center of trade and textile. As with the rest of Mexico, its industries were protected after World War II by high walls of tariffs and quotas, and by restrictions on foreign investment.

During the 1970s, those barriers helped produce rapid economic growth, but the system collapsed in a debt crisis and deep recession that swept through Latin America in the 1980s. To restart the economy, Mexico began dismantling its import barriers in the mid-1980s and tied itself tightly to the world economy through the North American Free Trade Agreement, or Nafta, with the U.S. in 1994, and a passel of other trade accords since then. At the time, Mexico's politicians and economists predicted that globalization would produce many new jobs in Mexico, especially for those at the bottom, as companies that produce low-skilled goods set up shop south of the border.

"Mexican wages will not remain low if we are capable of growing," said Mexico's then-President, Carlos Salinas, in 1991 when he was promoting Nafta.

For a time, that turned out to be true. Towel-maker Industrias Cobitel SA picked up two big new U.S. customers after Nafta and doubled the number of production workers to 250 by 2000. Exports accounted for 40% of the company's sales in 2000, about triple the percentage before Nafta. Business was so brisk that many employers didn't care whether new hires had much schooling.

But foreign investment and competition also prompted a big demand for skilled labor. Local companies that had gotten by with outmoded machinery either upgraded or closed.

Volkswagen's Impact

Volkswagen AG, the city's largest private employer, has had an especially large impact on the local economy. The company for years produced "Vochos," as VW Beetles are called in Mexico, on an old-fashioned production line where dents were banged out with mallets. But as Mexico opened its economy, VW ratcheted up the demands on its work force.

The company started building the new Beetle in Puebla in 1998 and followed with other models aimed at hard-to-please U.S. buyers. New machinery was imported. Now welds are done by lasers. Robots paint the exteriors of cars for an even finish. In the past decade, the company has doubled the number of engineers to 700 and is planning to add 100 more this year. They make between $400 and $600 a week and are college graduates.

At the same time, VW slashed its Puebla work force by about 15% since 2000 to 14,000, mostly eliminating assembly jobs, and outsourced production of seats, steering wheels and wire harnesses to factories in a sprawling industrial park outside the gates of the manicured VW campus. Assembly workers at those factories are paid about one-third the $225 a week VW line workers make. Many auto-parts companies won't hire laid-off VW workers, figuring they can't make the financial adjustment.

Ricardo Mosqueda Martínez lost his job at VW and worked for a time at a parts supplier. "When I first saw the paycheck, I thought to myself, is this a joke?" he says. He didn't last long there. Like many other VW employees, Mr. Martínez ended up in Puebla's informal economy, working as a gypsy taxi driver and doing other jobs.

Opening Opportunities

For Poblanos, as Puebla natives are called, with the right education, globalization has also opened opportunities that were absent in Mexico just a decade ago. Victor Pasilla, the 30-year-old son of a hospital security guard, makes $600 a week designing oxygen sensors for a Puebla start-up, Biomedica Integral SA, which hopes to build neonatal surgical beds for export. "It's been a big leap," says Mr. Pasilla, who has helped outfit his parents' home, where he still lives, with its first telephone and computer. "My parents are quite proud that their children are moving upwards."

The surge of well-to-do residents has changed Puebla's look. In the once-poor south of the city, housing developments of small, brightly colored homes, each topped with water tanks, have opened for young families who have become eligible for mortgage financing. There are also two new shopping malls with international clothing stores, including Zara and Massimo Dutti.

Low-paid textile or auto-parts workers don't shop at Zara, although many now frequent the local Wal-Mart, which offers food, clothing and appliances at good prices. Low-wage workers live as they have for many years, in cramped urban tenements ringed with razor wire to keep out thieves.

Part of Mexico's problem is that U.S. manufacturers looking for bargain prices have rerouted orders to China, where wages are even lower. Cobitel, Puebla's towel maker, had to cut payroll after a big South Carolina textile customer shifted orders to China in 2004. Overall, Mexican textile jobs that pay health benefits, which peaked at 195,000 in 2000, fell by one-third to 127,000 this year, according to Labor Ministry statistics.

But China's success doesn't fully explain the puzzle of growing global income inequality. If it did, China's low-wage workers would have seen especially fast growth in income, reducing income inequality. While low wage workers have benefited, it's elite workers that have benefited most. In part, that's because the companies in China doing work for overseas markets usually look for a set of skills few Chinese have, such as foreign-language fluency and technical knowledge.

Social Tensions

A flood of such well-paid workers has transformed the coastal city of Dalian, a magnet for investment from neighboring South Korea and Japan. The city's crumbling slums and boarded-up factories have given way to new shopping malls and fancy apartment complexes, reflecting how millions of Chinese can now own their own homes, buy Western consumer goods and even travel abroad. But the accompanying surge in real-estate prices has made Dalian nearly unaffordable for lower-paid locals, who often complain they are being literally pushed out of the city.

"The fact that ordinary people in Dalian can't afford to buy a house in the city center is indisputable. The city government should reflect on this," one Dalian resident using the name Mu Fan wrote in a comment on a government-sponsored Web site.

Such social tensions have become an increasing political problem for the Communist Party, whose legitimacy rests on its ability to deliver a broad improvement in the populace's standard of living. Wary of being identified as favoring an urban elite, leaders have this year expanded social programs for the poorest and campaigned against wealthy people who flout tax and family-planning laws.

Expanded education can ease inequality, as more workers qualify for skilled jobs. In Mexico, the income gap has diminished somewhat since 2000, partly reflecting improved education levels. Since 2000, for instance, Puebla State Popular Autonomous University, a large private university, has added undergraduate degrees in such specialties as bionics, electronics and software and is planning to add degrees in biotechnology, power-grid administration and plastics.

Another major factor: So many Poblanos have given up on their home turf and migrated to the U.S. that competition has eased somewhat for lower-skilled jobs. The greater number of Poblanos working abroad has also increased the amount of cash being sent back home, boosting the incomes of many residents. In the past decade, New York has become a magnet for many Poblanos, so much so that mole poblano, a Puebla specialty, is now widely available for sale in the borough of Queens.

Mr. Flores, the unemployed tailor, has two brothers who have decamped for the U.S. but says he doesn't want to follow suit because he doesn't want to leave his wife and daughter. Instead, Mr. Flores is looking for work as a day laborer, building homes for Puebla's surging new middle class. "I have a fight in front of me trying to find work," he says.

Write to Bob Davis at bob.davis@wsj.com2, John Lyons at john.lyons@wsj.com3 and Andrew Batson at andrew.batson@wsj.com4

Thursday, May 17, 2007

America's Health Issues: No Time Off

From American Progress Report: May 17th, 2007

As summer approaches, many Americans are thinking about vacation plans. But unfortunately, nearly one in four Americans receive no paid vacation or holiday time. Even worse, nearly "half of all full-time private sector workers in the U.S. get no paid sick days," with low-income workers, parents, and people with chronic illnesses hit the hardest. Businesses also suffer in productivity and other workers face health risks when sick employees are forced to go to work. The American public overwhelmingly agrees that all workers deserve days off from work; 95 percent of workers believe it is "unacceptable" for employers to deny sick days. Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA) and Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-CT) have introduced the Healthy Families Act (HFA), which would guarantee that workers receive at least seven paid sick days each year. Tell Congress to support this legislation here.

DAMAGING PUBLIC HEALTH: For many Americans, getting sick may mean getting fired. "At least 145 countries have paid sick days," notes Public Welfare Foundation president Debra Leff. "The United States is the only industrialized country lacking such a policy." The situation is the worst for the nation's lowest wage earners, 80 percent of whom receive no sick days. Food service workers, who are in constant contact with the public, are also among the least likely to receive paid sick days. New York Times columnist Bob Herbert wrote recently, "Eighty-six percent get no sick days at all. They show up in the restaurants coughing and sneezing and feverish, and they start preparing and serving meals. You won't see many of them wearing masks." Similarly, 55 percent of retail workers and 29 percent of health care and social assistance workers receive no paid sick days. Additionally, workers "who do not have paid sick days for doctors' visits do not have the opportunity to get important preventive care, such as flu shots and vaccinations." A study by the Institute for Women's Policy Research finds that 40 percent of workers "report having contracted the flu from a colleague." "The lack of paid sick days isn't just a family issue -- it's also a public health issue," Kennedy said. "When sick people go to work or sick children go to school, they infect their coworkers or fellow students and the public as well."

NEGLECTING CHILDREN'S HEALTH: Children also suffer when employers do not provide paid sick leave. Just one in three workers receive paid sick days to care for a child, meaning parents are forced to choose between losing a day's pay or sending a sick child to school. Just as viruses rapidly spread in workplaces, the same happens in schools. Even though child-care centers require sick children to remain home, "when parents cannot get off work to stay home with them, many sick children do end up in care." An even bigger threat to children's health occurs when parents are unable to take time off to ensure that their children receive needed preventive care, such as immunizations and well-child visits. Failure to ensure that all children receive timely preventive care has long-term implications for not only their health, but our national health care spending.

DECREASING BUSINESS PRODUCTIVITY: Most people don't want to interact with a co-worker who is sick. In a recent survey, 59 percent of businesses said that they have a problem with presenteeism -- workers showing up to work when they are sick -- compared to 39 percent two years ago. A study by Cornell University "found that presenteeism despite medical problems costs $180 billion annually in lost productivity, and may be more costly than absenteeism due to illness." Yet despite these facts, many businesses still do not recognize that employees need paid sick days. Herbert recently contacted Cracker Barrel Old Country Store about its lack of paid sick leave. The company simply responded, "If employees need to miss a shift due to illness, there are generally many opportunities to make up that lost shift later in the week, or the next week." Ness notes that this type of policy can lead to "economic disaster" for many workers.

ALL WORK, NO PLAY:
"The United States is the only advanced economy in the world that does not guarantee its workers paid vacation," according to a new study by the Center for Economic and Policy Research. Approximately 28 million Americans receive no paid vacation or holiday leave. Lower-wage workers "are less likely to have any paid vacation (69 percent) than higher-wage workers are (88 percent). The same is true for part-timers, who are far less likely to have paid vacations (36 percent) than are full-timers (90 percent)." Even the national average -- nine paid days of vacation and six paid days of holiday -- is "less than the minimum legal standard" set in almost all the world's rich economies.

THE REMEDY: Kennedy and DeLauro's HFA mandating that employers with 15 or more employees provide at least seven paid sick days would benefit 66 million Americans: "46 million would gain access to paid sick days; 19 million would gain paid sick days for leave for doctors' visits and family care; and 1 million Americans would gain additional paid sick days." "Paid sick leave is a basic right of people in the workplace and the price paid for denying employees paid sick leave is felt by all of us," said DeLauro. Currently, California is the only state mandating comprehensive paid family leave. The law "provides most Californians with six weeks of partial pay when they take leave from work" to care for a family member. Rutgers University's Eileen Appelbaum and the UCLA's Ruth Milkman note that while the Family Medical Leave Act guarantees "12 weeks of unpaid family leave to eligible employees at large companies, many working families cannot afford to take the time off work without pay," making clear why the HFA is necessary

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Private-Equity Baloney
{Part One}
from Robert Reich's Website - May 12th, 2007

This week, Senators Max Maucus and Charles Grassley, the chairman and ranking minority member of the Senate Finance Committee, are holding "informal meetings" to consider whether the stratospheric incomes of private-equity partners ought to be treated as compensation rather than as capital gains, for tax purposes.

Way back in the 1970s, newly-minted MBAs with dollar-signs in their eyes wanted to be CEOs. Then in the 1980s wanted to go into investment banking, because the money was even better there. In the 1990s, they went into high-tech venture capital and dot coms. Now it’s private equity. Becoming partner in a private equity firm is also the new dream of every CEO in America.

That's because the average big-company CEO has to do with a measly $7 million a year, taxed at 35 percent. But private equity partners are raking in hundreds of millions a year, taxed at 15 percent – less than the tax rate paid by middle-class Americans.

What exactly do private-equity partners do? They use the investment money of pension funds and college endowments and wealthy investors to buy up publicly-held companies and turn them briefly into privately-held companies. Then they do what you might do when you want to resell your home – redecorate, refurbish, knock out some walls, apply fresh paint, sell the furniture.

Sometimes they keep the same CEO of the publicly-held company, give him some private equity too, and tell him to apply the good ideas he’s stored up but never implemented when he was just earning $7 million a year as CEO because now he can really cash in.

Then a few years later the private-equity partners resell the company to the public, usually at a big profit. And they take 20 percent of the profits for themselves.

We’re talking billions of dollars here, folks. And it’s only taxed at 15 percent because even though it’s most of their compensation it’s treated as a capital gain. And courtesy of the Bush tax cuts, capital gains are taxed at 15 percent. Of course, those billions are what these guys pay themselves for their work. It's their compensation.

When capital gains are taxed at less than half the tax rate the rich pay on their incomes, you can expect this sort of gamesmanship.

Now that the tax-writing committees of congress are taking a look at this giant loophole, they’re besieged by private-equity partners who are, of course, screaming: No! You can’t do this to us! If you treat the money we’re making as compensation, you’ll reduce our incentives! We won’t work as hard if we’re taking home only 60 million dollars a year instead of 80 million! And that will cripple the American economy.

Baloney.
<------------------------------------->
Private Equity Baloney
Part II

Deal for Chrysler close
Cerberus could be named winner Monday; auto analysts say UAW job cuts are likely

Cerberus Capital Management, a private equity firm, which already has several ties to the auto industry, emerged over the weekend as the front-runner to buy the Chrysler Group, the Free Press has learned.

If Cerberus is named the final bidder, which could happen as soon as Monday, it would be a spectacular triumph for a private equity firm to take control of one of Detroit's automakers and a giant blow to Canadian auto supplier Magna International Inc.


It also could mark the beginning of an even more difficult time for organized labor, which has been vocal about its opposition to private equity firms getting involved in the auto business and with Chrysler, specifically.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Cheney's "One Percent Solution"
{re: An interview with Ron Suskind over his book: "The One Percent Doctrine"}

JUAN GONZALEZ: Well, a key aspect in reading your book is just the title, The One Percent Doctrine. Could you talk about what is the 1% doctrine, who's behind it, and how it has effected this policy on the war on terror.

RON SUSKIND: The book fixes finally accountability. Some things people suspected but had been denied or they couldn't attach essentially action with outcome, many of those are now over. It's in the book. It's clear. The 1% doctrine comes from a meeting that the Vice President has in November of 2001. And it's one in the White House in the situation room, in which he receives a harrowing bit of intelligence. Pakistani nuclear scientists had sat with bin Laden and Zawrahi a few weeks before 9/11 to discuss the issues of nuclear feasibility for al-Qaeda. This intelligence is delivered to the Vice President. Folks from the CIA and NSC are there.

And the Vice President says two things. He says we need to think in a new way about these low probability, high-impact type events, a different way. And then, by the end of the briefing, he has that different way. He says, “If there's even a 1% chance that WMDs have been given to terrorists, we need to treat it as a certainty, not in our analysis or the preponderance of evidence,” he demurs, “but in our response.” At this moment the Vice President officially separates analysis from action, allows for an evidence-free model to move forward, and says suspicion may be all we have to use the awesome powers of the United States.

This defines events, episodes, incidents all the way to now, moving forward from that point -- Iraq, Afghanistan, the global war on terror. What's fascinating about it is that people have different names for it inside of the upper reaches of the government -- the 1% rule, the Cheney doctrine -- but it allowed the United States to essentially operate in an evidence-free realm, using the extraordinary forces at our disposal. And we all know the countless outcomes of that, which the U.S. now is embarrassed by.

The fired-attorneys case: a truly appalling possibility, by James Fallows, The Atlantic:

...[T]here is a new development involving the original eight [fired U.S.] attorneys that potentially dwarfs in outright evil anything said, suggested, or suspected in the whole saga up till now. Indeed, the implications would be so appalling, if true, that for now I find it hard actually to believe the worst. Here are the facts:

Five and a half years ago, Thomas Wales was murdered in Seattle. He was shot, through the window of his home, as he sat working at his computer late at night. ... A significant detail is that one of the civic causes for which Tom Wales worked was gun safety and at the time of his death was head of Washington Cease-Fire. ...

No one has been charged or arrested in his killing. But among the strange aspects of the case is that law enforcement officials fairly quickly began acting as if they knew exactly who they were looking for. For instance, a story last year in the Seattle Times said this about the case:

Agents have focused on a Bellevue airline pilot as their prime suspect. The pilot had been targeted by Wales in a fraud case that concluded in 2001.

Other reports over the years have emphasized that this same “prime suspect” was a gun enthusiast and zealous opponent of anyone he considered anti-gun. If – as is generally assumed – Wales was murdered for reasons related to his gun safety efforts and his past prosecutions, he would be the first federal prosecutor killed in the line of duty.

As best I have been able to tell from a distance, through the years law-enforcement and political officials from Seattle and Washington state have frequently complained that federal officials in Washington DC were not putting enough resources or effort into the case. The ... Seattle Times story mentioned above goes into one of the disagreements. Everyone on the Seattle side of the story remembers that the Department of Justice in Washington DC sent no official representative to his funeral.

Until now, the heartbreak of the Tom Wales case, and the Washington-vs-Washington disagreement over how intensively the search for his killer was being pursued, had seemed entirely separate from Seattle’s involvement in the eight-fired-attorneys matter. John McKay, the U.S. attorney in Seattle who was among the eight dismissed, appeared to have earned the Bush Administration’s hostility in the old-fashioned way: by not filing charges of voter fraud after an extremely close election that went the Democrats’ way.

But this weekend’s story in the Washington Post, based on testimony by Alberto Gonzales’s former deputy Kyle Sampson, suggests that McKay’s problems may have begun with his determination to keep on pushing to find Tom Wales’s killer.

If this is so, it is obscene. Tom Wales represented everything the American public can hope for from its public servants. He made less money than he might have, in order to enforce the rules that made Americans’ lives in general safer, more predictable, and more honorable. ...

If an administration has chosen to neglect that effort because – as has now been suggested – it didn’t want to ruffle feathers in the pro-gun camp, that is as low an act as any we have heard of in modern politics. ...

I hope it proves not to be true – and that the dismissal of McKay was “simply” a matter of strong-arm partisan politics. That is what now passes for “good news” when it comes to the Administration’s approach to the rule of law. ...

Another perspective on Supply Side Econo...

Bruce Webb said...


The Supply Side argument has a political component. Getting further tax cuts requires making the argument that the average voter will gain some advantage to offset the loss of utility of either less borrowing or more spending would have. That is if the majority is not going to get their boat floated by the rising economic tide, if that trickle down is coming down suspiciously warm and yellow why should we vote in politicians who promise tax cuts and trade deals that bring us no benefit.

Now the fact is that on one level they don't care, in their world the fact that the top gets an ever bigger slice of the ever bigger pie is a feature and not a bug. That a Capitalistic economy directs most of its returns to holders of capital is in their eyes a simple case of merit earning its reward.

Politically it is a hard sell, 'Vote for him and make me rich!' is not exactly a winning campaign slogan. Everything depends on winning elections and getting the right (and Right) people in office. And that depends on convincing majorities that Economic Right policies work for them.

The dirty secret is that every plank of the Economic Right platform works. Works that is for an overlapping minority. Cuts to top marginal rates work, flat tax works, Privatization works, Health Savings Accounts work, Education accounts work, estate tax cuts work. It is just that none of them work for the majority of American workers. All of them work for the upper middle class and the wealthy.

The historical truth is that right up to and in some aspects deep into the 20th century the political system in the United States and England was openly organized in the interest of property owners, in part through property qualifications for voting, in part through organizing legislative bodies like the Senate in ways that favored larger property owners. That is why Rove is so nostalgic for the age of McKinley, he wouldn't be faced with quite so much of the pesky democracy thing in pushing his platform through.

Dow 13,600 is not a bad thing in itself. But by the same token it is not a reason for workers to vote for Supply Siders. Because they have no plans to share that bigger pie.

Billions missing from Iraqi oil accounts

From correspondents in New York

May 12, 2007 03:46pm

Article from: Reuters

BILLIONS of dollars' worth of Iraq's declared oil production over the past four years is unaccounted for, possibly having been siphoned off through corruption or smuggling, The New York Times has reported.

Between 100,000 and 300,000 barrels of Iraq's daily output of roughly 2 million barrels is missing, it said, citing a draft report prepared by the US Government Accountability Office and government energy analysts which is expected to be released next week.

The discrepancy was valued between $US5 million ($6million) and $US15 million ($18 million)daily, using a $US50 ($60) per barrel average, the report said. That adds up to billions of dollars over the four years since the March 2003 US-led invasion of Iraq.

The newspaper was provided the draft report by a separate government office that received a review copy. The GAO declined to discuss the draft, the paper said.

The report did not make a final conclusion on what happened to the missing oil, and provided alternative explanations besides corruption or smuggling, including possible Iraqi overstating of its production.

A State Department official who works on energy matters offered possible explanations including pipeline sabotage, or inaccurate reporting of oil production in southern Iraq.

"It could also be theft," the Times quoted the unnamed official as saying, with suspicion falling on southern Shiite militias. "Crude oil is not as lucrative in the region as refined products, but we're not ruling that out either," the official said.

"There is not an issue of insurgency, per se, but it could be funding Shia factions, and that could very well be true."

"That would be a concern if they were using smuggling money to blow up American soldiers or kill Sunnis or do anything that could harm the unity of the country," the Times quoted the official as saying.

The newspaper characterized the report as the most comprehensive look thus far at what it called faltering US efforts to rebuild Iraq's oil and electricity sectors. The GAO tapped experts at the Energy Information Administration within the United States Department of Energy for its oil analysis.

Erik Kreil, an oil expert at the administration who is familiar with the analysis, said a review of industry figures worldwide indicated Iraq's stated production figures did not add up.

"Either they're producing less, or they're producing what they say and the difference is completely unaccounted for in any of the places we think it should go," Mr Kreil told the Times. "Either it's overly optimistic, or it's unaccounted for."

Analysts outside the government said such a large discrepancy indicated that there was either a major smuggling operation in place or that Iraq was not generating accurate production figures, the newspaper added.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Black enough to stir violent hatreds

May 8, 2007
by Leonard Pitts Jr. - Knight Ridder Newspapers


Not Rudy Giuliani, who is a supporter of abortion rights. Not Tom Tancredo, who is a hardliner on immigration. Not John Edwards, who is a critic of the war in Iraq.

Only Barack Obama, who is black.

No other presidential candidate has felt it necessary to seek protection from the Secret Service. But last week we learned that Obama has sought and will receive that protection, the only candidate ever to do so this early in the process. Only one other candidate even has a Secret Service detail: Hillary Clinton. And that's because she's a former first lady.

You know who else required early protection? Jesse Jackson, when he ran for president in '84 and '88.

Neither Obama's campaign nor the Secret Service will comment on precisely what went into the decision to assign a detail to the senator, but one need not be a seer to divine the reason. Put it this way: The darker the candidate's skin

and the more serious his candidacy, the earlier he seems to need protecting.

All of which adds a telling dimension to the ongoing debate about Obama and blackness that has percolated for months beneath the surface of his candidacy.

On the one side, you have earnest white people insisting that, because his mother was white, Obama is not really black, but "biracial."

On the other side, you have earnest black people insisting that, because his heritage does not trace to slavery, Obama is not really black enough -- that is, not black in a cultural sense.

Apparently, however, he is both black and black enough for whatever individual or individuals unnerved his handlers enough to seek Secret Service protection. That's a truth that cuts the clutter.

In a sense, the fact that we have the luxury of debating "what" Obama is testifies to the racial progress this nation has made. Once upon a time, nobody had to debate. Back before Colin and Cosby and Condoleezza, before Air Jordan took wing and Johnson made Magic, before Oprah was America's favorite sister girl and Martin spoke of dreams, back when a Southern restaurant caused an international incident by refusing service to an African diplomat -- back in the day, there was no need of abstract rhetoric on what black is. You knew. The world made sure of it.

If we have moved beyond that day, if we are proud to think ourselves more enlightened now, it is nevertheless naive to believe the naked meanness of that day has wholly disappeared.

It is fashionable now to speak of systemic racism and the need for black folk to take a greater hand in their own salvation. Those discussions are valid. But it is also occasionally instructive to remember that old-fashioned mean-as-a-snake, thick-as-a-brick hatred is still alive and well and living in the U.S.A.

Sometimes, it lolls in the shade of the intellectual cover provided it by the likes of Rush Limbaugh. Sometimes, it is dressed in suit and tie and told to sound reasonable by the likes of David Duke. Sometimes, it is sung in wobbly adolescent voices by the likes of Prussian Blue. And sometimes, it just rears up on its hind legs and brays that it will commit violence rather than accept a black man as its president.

We like to pretend this bile is not still in us. We like to pretend we are beyond it. Then the man who could be our next president must ask to be protected from those who think him too dark for the job.

Something to remember next time you are tempted to debate what black is. The world still has ways of making you know.

LEONARD PITTS JR. is a columnist for the Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, Fla. 33132. Write to him at lpitts@miamiherald.com.

Monday, May 07, 2007

The Mother of All Bumper Stickers

Courtesy of Carnut.com - April 2007

  • (seen on the back of a biker's T-shirt) If you can read this, the bitch fell off...
  • (seen on the back of a biker's vest) If you can read this, my wife fell off...
  • 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
  • 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
  • 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  • 2 rules to success in life. 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
  • 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
  • 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
  • 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  • 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • A $1000 stereo will protect a $.20 fuse by blowing first.
  • A bad day fishing is still better than a good day working.
  • A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
  • A clear conscience is usually a sign of a poor memory.
  • A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
  • A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  • A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
  • A day without sunshine is like night.
  • A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  • A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
  • A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
  • A fool and his money are soon partying.
  • A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
  • A hangover: the wrath of grapes.
  • A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion.
  • A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
  • A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.
  • A little Gray Hair is a small price to pay for this much Wisdom.
  • A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.
  • A man places an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
  • A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.
  • A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass...
  • A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
  • A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
  • A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
  • A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
  • A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
  • A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
  • A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
  • A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
  • A)bort R)etry I)nfluence with large hammer.
  • Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
  • According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
  • ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
  • After all is said and done, usually more is said.
  • After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
  • After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.
  • After things go from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat.
  • Agenda for the day, let dog in, let dog out, let dog in, let dog out, let dog in.
  • Aim low...reach your goals...avoid disappointment.
  • Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
  • All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
  • All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
  • All men are idiots...I married their king.
  • All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
  • Always drink upstream from the herd.
  • Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
  • Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
  • Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is but it's critical to know what it was.
  • Always try to be modest and be proud of it.
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  • An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
  • An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
  • An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
  • An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
  • Answer: Eight. Twelve if the light bulb is cross-threaded.
  • Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
  • Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls.
  • Any tool dropped while repairing your rod will roll underneath to the exact center of the car.
  • Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
  • Anyone can restore a car, it takes a real man to cut one up.
  • Anyplace you wake up on top of the dirt, is a good place to be.
  • Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry up is not nailed down.
  • Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
  • AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
  • AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye (or ear).
  • ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
  • Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
  • Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
  • Aruba: Not Just Any Criminal Will Do.
  • Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
  • Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a fireplug what it thinks about dogs.
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
  • At the feast of Ego, everyone leaves hungry.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization
  • AUDI - Accelerates Under Demonic Influence.
  • AUDI - All Un-informed Drivers Insulted.
  • AUDI - All Unnecessary Devices Installed.
  • AUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Implemented.
  • "Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy"
  • Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
  • Ax me about Ebonics
  • Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
  • Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
  • Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner.
  • Ban the bomb! Save the world for conventional warfare.
  • Baroque: When you are out of Monet.
  • BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
  • Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
  • Be nice to your kids... they'll choose your nursing home.
  • Bear in mind that a man does not have to be a bigamist to have one wife too many.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
  • Beauty is only a light switch away.
  • BEELZEBUG (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  • Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
  • Beer is proof that God Loves us and wants us to be happy.
  • BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  • Being an airline pilot would be great if you didn't have to go on all those trips.
  • Best diet: Eat as much as you want, but don't swallow it.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  • Black holes are where God divided by zero.
  • Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth.
  • BMW - Big Money Works.
  • BMW - Bought My Wife.
  • BMW - Brutal Money Waster,
  • Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
  • Boldly Going Nowhere
  • Born again pagan.
  • Born free... taxed to death.
  • Borrow money from pessimists. They don't expect it back.
  • Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
  • Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
  • BOZONE (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
  • Bright as Alaska in December.
  • Broad-mindedness; n, the result of flattening high-mindedness out.
  • Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
  • Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS
  • BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer.
  • Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways.
  • BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
  • BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.
  • California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.
  • Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
  • Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
  • CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
  • CASHTRATION (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
  • CATERPALLOR (n.) The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
  • Cats - the other white meat
  • CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • Chaos, Panic, Disorder, my work here is done!
  • CHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips.
  • CHEVROLET - Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
  • Children are often spoiled cause nobody will spank Grandma!
  • Cigarette; n, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
  • Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
  • Clones are people, two
  • Close your eyes and press escape three times.
  • COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage
  • Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
  • Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
  • Corruption Is Natures Way Of Restoring Faith In Democracy.
  • Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your rear end?
  • Cover me - I'm changing lanes
  • Cowboy foreplay - Git in the pickup!
  • CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
  • Dam right I'm good in bed! I can sleep for days!
  • Dance - The vertical expression of horizontal desire.
  • Dear Lord, if you can't make me skinny, please make my friends Fat.
  • Death to all fanatics.
  • DECAFLON (n.) The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
  • Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
  • Did you know that beating your head against the wall uses 150 calories an hour?
  • DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"
  • Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you can find a big rock.
  • DISCONFECT (dis kon fect') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will remove all the germs.
  • Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
  • Do fish get cramps after eating?
  • Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
  • Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
  • DO NOT wash this car! It is undergoing a scientific dirt test
  • Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
  • Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  • Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
  • Do you want to talk to the man in charge, or the woman who knows what's going on?
  • DODGE - Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater.
  • DODGE - Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere.
  • Does fuzzy logic tickle?.
  • Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
  • Does Time pass? Yes, it does. How else can you explain Visa bills?
  • Doing the job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong 14 times gives you job security.
  • Don't annoy the crazy person.
  • Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.
  • Don't be Stupid, we have Politicions for that.
  • Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
  • Don't follow me, I'm lost.
  • Don't get even -- get odd! :��
  • Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.
  • Don't laugh, it's paid for.
  • Don't laugh, your daughter might be in this car.
  • Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
  • Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies
  • DON'T STEAL! The IRS dosen't like the competition.
  • Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
  • Don't you hate it when life doesn't follow the manuals?
  • Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
  • DOPELAR EFFECT (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
  • Dosen't play well with others.
  • DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
  • Driver carries no cash! He's married.
  • Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now everywhere.
  • E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
  • Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
  • EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.
  • EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
  • Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
  • Earth was interesting, and worth the money I paid for it.
  • Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!
  • Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
  • Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
  • ECNALUBMA (ek na leb' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rear view mirror.
  • EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter which direction you lean in, follow suit.
  • EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.
  • ELBONICS (el bon icks') n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
  • ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
  • ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.
  • Eleven tons of hair stolen. Police combing area.
  • Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
  • Entropy isn't what it used to be
  • Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
  • ESCHEW OBFUSCATION. (means avoid confusion/overcomplication)
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • Every solution breeds new problems and every problem costs money.
  • Everybody repeat after me... "We are all individuals."
  • Everyone already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
  • Everyone is born lefthanded, you turn righthanded after you commit your first sin.
  • Everyone should believe in something, I believe I'll have another Beer.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • EXTRATERRESTAURANT (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented on. Also known as ETry.
  • Fail-safe systems tend not to fail safe.
  • Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
  • FAUNACATED (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence FAUNACATERING (n.), which has made a meal of many species.
  • Feel safe tonight ... Sleep with a cop.
  • Fell out of the family tree.
  • Few women admit their age, few men act it.
  • FIAT - Feeble Italians Attempt Transportation.
  • FIAT - Fix It Again, Tony.
  • Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
  • Finger me, I have a .plan...
  • First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
  • First Law of Economics: You can't sell product to people without money.
  • FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
  • FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count, then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
  • FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait 'till you see us drive.
  • FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, ReVote.
  • FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.
  • FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again and again!
  • FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
  • FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
  • FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.
  • FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
  • Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
  • Flying is the 2nd greatest thrill known to man, landing is the 1st.
  • Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.
  • Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man.... Landing is the first!
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
  • FORD - Fast Only Rolling Downhill.
  • FORD - First On Race Day.
  • FORD - Fix Or Repair Daily.
  • FORD - Found On Road, Dead.
  • FORD - Found On Rubbish Dump.
  • FOREPLOY (n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex.
  • Forget the bull .. Ride the Cowboy.
  • Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
  • Friends don't let friends drive naked
  • Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  • FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
  • Geezer, formerly known as Studmuffin.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
    Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  • Give blood, play Hockey.
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • GM - General Maintenance.
  • GMC - Garage Man's Companion.
  • Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
  • God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
  • God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
  • God must love stupid people, he made so many.
  • Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
  • Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
  • Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
  • GRANTARTICA (n.) The cold, isolated place where arts companies without funding dwell.
  • Grow your own dope, plant a man
  • Gun control is a tight grouping.
  • Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
  • GUYS: No shirt, no service GALS: No shirt, no charge
  • Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
  • HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
  • Half the people you know are below average.
  • HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
  • Hang in there. Retirement is only 30 years away.
  • Hang up and drive.
  • Happiness is a belt fed weapon
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  • Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
  • He has a photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
  • He has a room temperature IQ.
  • He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit
  • He who hesitates is probably right.
  • He who laughs last - thinks slowest
  • He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
  • He's a prime candidate for natural deselection.
  • He's got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
  • He's so dense, light bends around him.
  • Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
  • Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.
  • Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
  • Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy
  • Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
  • Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my beer.
  • HEMAGLOBE (n.) The bloody state of the world.
  • Hey you! Get out of the gene pool!
  • Hey, your karma just ran over my dogma.
  • His gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
  • HONDA - Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
  • Honk If Anything Falls Off
  • Honk If You Want To See My Finger
  • Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
  • Horn broken, watch for finger.
  • Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
  • HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
  • How can there be self-help groups?
  • How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  • How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
  • How come you never hear about _gruntled_ employees?
  • How do I set my laser printer on stun?
  • How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
  • How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
  • How do you know when you are out of invisible ink?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands...
  • How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
  • How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
  • How the hell did I get this old?
  • HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
  • HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?
  • HYUNDAI - Hysterical Young Under-aged Driver At Intersection
  • I act this way to make you nuts.
  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
  • I am a .signature, and I want to be your friend
  • I am out of estrogen and I have a gun.
  • I brake for Blondes, Brunettes and Redheads.
  • I can fix anything. Where's the duct tape?
  • I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day,
    tommorrow doesn't look good either.
  • I could get a new lease on life but I need the first and last month in advance.
  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • I disclaim my disclaimer!
  • I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
  • I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
  • I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
  • I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  • I fish! Therefore, I lie.
  • I hate laundry month.
  • I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
  • I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
  • I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
  • I intend to live forever - so far, so good
  • I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • I know I have a purpose because I always seem to need deodorant.
  • I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
  • I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
  • I lost my emotional baggage on my last flight of fantasy
  • I love cats - they taste just like chicken
  • I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
  • I love my country! Its the politicians I don't like or trust.
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  • I may be slow...but I'm ahead of you!
  • I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
  • I only drink beer on days that end in y.
  • I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go
  • I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
  • I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
  • I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
  • I used to be schizophrenic but we're okay now.
  • I used to get high on life, but lately I've built up a resistance.
  • I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off.
  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  • I want to be like Barbie, that bitch has everything
  • I want to die quietly in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror, like his passengers.
  • I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpos?
  • I went to the Net and all I got was this stupid tagline.
  • I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  • I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.
  • I'm against animal testing. They just get nervous and give wrong answers.
  • I'm an imbecile and I vote
  • I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
  • I'm multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
  • I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
  • I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
  • I'm on a drinking team with a bowling problem.
  • I'm one of those bad people that happen to good people.
  • I'm retired, but I work part-time spoiling my grandkids.
  • I'm the person your mother warned you about.
  • I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
  • I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
  • Idiot; n, a member of a large and very powerful group whose influence over society is dominant.
  • If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
  • If a man yells in the woods and no women hears him, is he still wrong?
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
  • If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  • If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
  • If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
  • If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • If at first you don't succeed, everyone will tell you why.
  • If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
  • If at first you don't succeed, try management.
  • If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
  • If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
  • If everything is coming your way, then you're are in the wrong lane.
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  • If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.
  • If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  • If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
  • If it has tits or wheels, Its gonna give you problems.
  • If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
  • If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
  • If its mechanical and I am not bleeding, I must not be working very hard.
  • If laws were outlawed, only outlaws would be lawyers.
  • If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of live, then let's all get waster together and have the time of our lives.
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  • If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? congress?
  • If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  • If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
  • If the Broncos aren't Gods team, then why did he make sunsets orange?
  • If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
  • If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
  • If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,
    the one that will cause the most damage to your rod will go wrong first.
  • If there is a really bad time for something to go wrong, that's when it will happen.
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
  • If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
  • If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
  • If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
  • If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
  • If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
  • If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
  • If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
  • If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
  • If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  • If you build your rod to please everybody, no one will like it, especially you.
  • If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
  • If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
  • If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, on a jeep)
  • If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
  • If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets
  • If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
  • If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
  • If You Don't Like My Driving, Stay Off The Sidewalk!
  • If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
  • If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
  • If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
  • If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
  • If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
  • If you must choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before.
  • If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
  • If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
  • If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
  • If you stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
  • If you think my attitude stinks, you smell my underwear.
  • If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it!
  • If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
  • If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
  • If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
  • Illiterate? Write For Help
  • Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
  • Impeach Clinton, and her husband.
  • Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"
  • In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • INTAXICATION (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
  • Interchangable parts - won't.
  • IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
  • Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
  • Is it possible to be totally partial?
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
  • Isn't it nice that wrinkles don't hurt.
  • Isn't the best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut?
  • It ain't much, But It's mine
  • It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  • It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
  • It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
  • It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
  • It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
  • It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
  • It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  • It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  • It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
  • Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
  • JEEP - Just Empty Every Pocket.
  • Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
  • Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole
  • Jesus saves! But wouldn't it have been better if he would have invested.
  • JESUS SAVES�Esposito scores on the rebound
  • Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
  • Just 'cause it's clean don't mean it's fresh.
  • Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
  • Just say no! To sex with pro-lifers.
  • Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
  • Keep honking, I'm reloading.
  • KINSTIRPATION (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
  • Knock firmly but softly. I like soft firm knockers.
  • Lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part.
  • LACTOMANGULATION (lak to man gyu lay' shun) v. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the illegal side.
  • Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
  • Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
  • Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
  • Leakproof seals - will.
  • Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
  • Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
    Especially when you're on a road trip.
  • Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates... You never know what your gonna get.
  • Life is like a snowstorm... You run into a lot of Flakes.
  • Life isn't like a box of chocolates... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
  • Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
  • Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.
  • Life's too short to dance with ugly men/women.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • Lord give me the strength to put up with the people who are going to piss me off today.
  • Lord save me from your followers.
  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
  • Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • Love: the word that paints a thousand pictures.
  • LULLABUOY (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.
  • Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • Make love, not war. Do both, GET MARRIED.
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  • Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
  • Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.
  • MAZDA - Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along.
  • MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
  • Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
  • Men are proof that women can take a joke.
  • Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
  • Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
  • Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
  • Minivans are tangible evidence of Evil.
  • Monday thru Friday my body is a temple, on weekends it's an amusement park.
  • Money Isn't Everything... But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch
  • Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
  • Moody Bitch seeks kind, considerate guy for love hate relationship.
  • Most of us hate to see a poor loser. Rich winners, though, are worse.
  • Mother nature is a bitch. And thats on good days.
  • Mr. Bullfrog sez: Time is fun when you're having flies.
  • Mr. Worf! Eating Christmas Cookies, on my bridge?
  • Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
  • Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
  • My computer NEVER cras
  • My Go this arn keyboar oesn't have any 's.
  • My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
  • My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
  • My kid had sex with your honor student.
  • My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
  • My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
  • My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
  • My opinions are not those of my ex-employer.
  • My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or somethinglike that.
  • My wife took the dog and ran off with my best friend, sure gonna miss that dog.
  • Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
  • NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.
  • Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
  • Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
  • Never call a man a fool. Instead, borrow from him.
  • Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
  • Never eat prunes when you're famished.
  • Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  • Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist.
  • Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
  • Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
  • Never smack a man who's chewing.
  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  • No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway
  • Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.
  • Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
  • Not the brightest crayon in the box now are we?
  • Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  • Nothing about street rodding is as easy as it looks.
  • Nuke the Whales.
  • Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the 'first' time.
  • Of course I support "Freedom of Speech". I also support my right to not pay attention to fools.
  • OK, so what's the speed of dark?
  • Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
  • Old florists never die, they just make other arrangements.
  • Old pilots never die, they just go on to a new plane.
  • Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
  • OLDSMOBILE - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday.
  • OLDSMOBILE - Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment.
  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  • One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.
  • One neuron short of a synapse.
  • One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
  • Only the paranoid survive.
  • Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
  • Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
  • OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.
  • Palm Beach County: So nice, we let you vote twice.
  • Palm Beach County: We put the "duh" in Florida.
  • Pardon me, waiter. I like my water diluted.
  • PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
  • PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
  • PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
  • PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
  • PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
  • Photocopier; n, the place where you sit while taking pictures of the moon.
  • Pilots are just plane people with a special air about them.
  • Plagiarism saves time.
  • Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
  • Please Lord, let me be half the person my dog thinks I am!
  • Please tell your pants its not polite to point!
  • PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
  • Politics: n. from Greek; "poli"-many; "tics"-ugly, bloodsucking parasites.
  • Practice safe sex; Go screw yourself
  • Professor; n, One who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • Protected by Smith & Wesson
  • PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
  • PUPKUS (pup kus') n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses it's nose to it.
  • Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
  • Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
  • Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art
  • Real men don't ask for directions.
  • Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
  • Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
  • Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
  • Remember when sex was safe and Hot Rods were dangerous?
  • Remember, as crabby as I may be, I am always holding back.
  • Remember, half the people you know are below average.
  • Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
  • Retired and spending my kids inheritance
  • Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
  • Rome wasn't built in a day... That's because it was a government job.
  • SAAB - Send Another Automobile Back.
  • Save a tree - eat a beaver
  • Save the trees ... Wipe your butt with an owl.
  • Save the Whales......Collect the whole set!!
  • Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
  • Save Your Breath...You'll need it to blow up your date!
  • Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!
  • Sex is like Air, It's not really that important until you're not getting any.
  • Science without Religion is lame, Religion without Science is blind.
  • Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
  • Sign on I-95 : Florida this way, no that way, 5 miles, wait 10 miles.
  • Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
  • Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
  • Smile, it confuses People.
  • Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  • SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
  • Snatch a kiss or vice versa.
  • So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
  • So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
  • So, if the fundamental particle of charge is the electron, is the fundamental particle of stupidity the moron?
  • Software is like sausage, it's best not to know how it was produced.
  • Some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.
  • Some days you're the windshield. Some days you're the bug.
  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
  • Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
  • Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody But Me."
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
  • Son, I was flying airplanes for a living when you were still a sparkle in your daddys eye.
  • Son, if all I had to drive was that car, I'd park it and take the bus.
  • Still playing with cars, after all these years!
  • Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
  • STOP TALKING! I'm out of aspirin.
  • Stupidity should be painful.
  • Succeed in spite of management.
  • Success always occurs in private and failure in full view of all your rodding buddies.
  • Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
  • Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!
  • Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
  • Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.
  • Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
  • Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
  • Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself out of the market.
  • Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
  • TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, when you're only six inches away.
  • Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
  • Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it?
  • Thank You For Pot Smoking.
  • The ARMY said I am all I can be!
  • The beatings will continue until morale improves.
  • The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires.
  • The day you finish your street rod
    another project car will show up at your doorstep.
  • The definition of Manic depressive is Easy Glum, Easy Glow.
  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • The Earth Is Full - Go Home
  • The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
  • The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
  • The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  • The glass is half full--and what's in it has gone rancid.
  • The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  • The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.
  • The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
  • The light went out, but where to?
  • The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
  • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
  • The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.
  • The only tools one needs in life: WD-40 to make things go and duct tape to make them stop.
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no life guard.
  • The proctologist called...they found your head.
  • The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
  • The Schizophrenic. An unauthorized autobiography
  • The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
  • The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
  • The sex was so good - even the neighbors had a cigarette
  • The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
  • The trouble with fool-proof systems is that fools are so damned ingenious!
  • Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until got married; and then it was too late."
  • There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!
  • There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
  • There are two sides to every divorce, mine and shithead's.
  • There are two theories on arguing with women. Neither of them work.
  • There is no such thing as a simple change, or a cheap fix.
  • There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
  • There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
  • These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
  • They say that if you have an infinite number of monkeys typing at an infinite number of keyboards for an infinite amount of time, you will get the collected works of Shakespeare,
    for the source code of Microsoft Windows, just add more monkeys.
  • Things which do you no good in aviation: Altitude above you. Runway behind you. Fuel in the truck. Half a second ago. Approach plates in the car. The airspeed you don't have.
  • Think you have problems? My sundial is running slow.
  • This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
  • Those who can - do, Those who can't - teach, Those who can't teach - manage.
  • Those who hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles by day.
  • Time flys when you are in a coma.
  • Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
  • Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
  • Time spent flying is not deducted from one's lifespan.
  • TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
  • To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
  • To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
  • To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
  • To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.
  • Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
  • TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto.
  • Trust your captain .... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
  • Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
  • TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
  • Twenty minutes in a WalMart is all the proof needed that *if* there is a God, he's got a *sick* sense of humor.
  • Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an Airplane
  • TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
  • Under the Democrats, man exploits man.
    Under the Republicans its the other way around.
  • Unless you are naked, don't touch this car!
  • Unless you're a hemorrhoid, GET OFF MY ASS!
  • Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
  • VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
  • VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
  • WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
  • WARNING: DATES ON CALENDAR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
  • WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
  • Warning! I have an attitude and know how to use it.
  • We are born naked, wet, and hungry...Then things get worse.
  • We are Microsoft, resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
  • We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart??
  • We put the "k" in kwality.
  • We waste more time by 8 AM than other companies do all day.
  • We waste time so you don't have to.
  • Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
  • Welcome to America...now speak English
  • What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
  • What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull
  • What if the Hokey-Pokey is really what it's all about?
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
  • What is the speed of dark?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
  • What's another word for synonym?
  • What's another word for thesaurus?
  • Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
  • When building a rod everything always takes longer than you think.
  • When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
  • When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
  • When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  • When flying a thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse.
  • When flying any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.
  • When flying keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.
  • When flying the only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
  • When flying the probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
  • When flying try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
  • When flying, if you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back -- then they get bigger again)
  • When flying, it's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
  • When flying, speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
  • When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
  • When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
  • When in doubt - throw money at it.
  • When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
  • When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
  • When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
  • When the going gets tough, upgrade.
  • When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss??
  • When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
  • When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
  • When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
  • When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
  • Whenever you set out to work on your rod,
    your wife will always find something else that you must do first.
  • Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
  • Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
  • Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
  • Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
  • WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
  • Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?
  • Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
  • Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
  • Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of "asteroids"?
  • Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
  • Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
  • Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
  • Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
  • Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
  • Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  • Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
  • Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  • Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
  • Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
  • Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
  • Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
  • Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
  • Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
  • Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
  • Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
  • Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
  • Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
  • Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? (Think about it for a while!?
  • Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, and when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
  • Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
  • Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
  • Why is the alphabet in that order?
  • Why is the word abbreviation so long?
  • Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  • Windows tip #248: add BUGS=OFF to your registry.
  • Wink, I'll do the rest!
  • WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."
  • Women always have the last word in an argument, if a man says anything else it's the start of another argument.
  • Work harder Millions of people on Welfare depend on you!
  • Work isn't just for sleeping anymore.
  • Worry about your own damn family!
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  • Yeh, though I walk thru the valley of death, I fear no evil,
    for I am the meanest mutha in the valley.
  • Yes. This is my pickup. No. I won't help you move.
  • You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
  • You are too close for missiles, switching to guns
  • You better buy me another drink... you're still ugly.
  • You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
  • You have the right to remain silent, so shut up.
  • You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonderwhat else you can do while you're down there.
  • You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
  • You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  • You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
  • You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
  • You'll always get notified that the part you've been patiently waiting for is permanently out of stock the day after you could have bought one at the swap meet.
  • You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
  • You're the reason I'm medicated.
  • Young man, was that a landing or were we shot down?
  • Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
  • Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
  • Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot!
  • Your proctologist called, they found your head.
  • Your ridiculous opinion has been noted.
  • Your village called, their idiot is missing.
  • ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.
  • Sunday, May 06, 2007

    Paul Krugman: Another Economic Disconnect

    Why haven't high profits caused an investment boom?:

    Another Economic Disconnect, by Paul Krugman, Commentary, NY Times: Last fall Edward Lazear, the Bush administration’s top economist, explained that what’s good for corporations is good for America. “Profits,” he declared, “provide the incentive for physical capital investment, and physical capital growth contributes to productivity growth. Thus profits are important not only for investors but also for the workers who benefit from the growth in productivity.”

    In other words, ask not for whom the closing bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

    Unfortunately, these days none of what Mr. Lazear said seems to be true. In the Bush years high profits haven’t led to high investment, and rising productivity hasn’t led to rising wages.

    The second of those two disconnects has gotten a lot of attention... The administration and its allies whine that they aren’t getting credit for a great economy, but because wages have been stagnant [since 2001]... the economy feels anything but great to most Americans.

    Less attention, however, has been given to the first disconnect: the failure of high profits to produce an investment boom.

    Since President Bush took office ... rising productivity and stagnant wages — workers are producing more, but they aren’t getting paid more — has led to ... corporate profits more than doubling since 2000. Last year, profits as a share of national income were at the highest level ever recorded.

    You might have expected this gusher of profits, which surely owes something to the Bush administration’s pro-corporate, anti-labor tilt, to produce a corresponding gusher of business investment. But the reality has been more of a trickle. ...

    It’s possible that sluggish business investment reflects lack of confidence in the economic outlook —... that’s understandable given the bursting of the housing bubble...

    But ... there is a more disturbing possibility. Instead of investing in physical capital, many companies are using profits to buy back their own stock. And cynics suggest that the purpose is to produce a temporary rise in stock prices that increases the value of executives’ stock options, even if it’s against the long-term interests of investors.

    It’s not a far-fetched idea. Researchers at the Federal Reserve have found evidence that ... stock buybacks are strongly influenced by “agency conflicts,” a genteel term for self-dealing by corporate insiders. ...

    Whatever the reasons, we now have an economy with incredibly high profits and surprisingly low investment. This raises some immediate, short-run concerns: with housing still in free fall and consumers ever more stretched, optimistic projections for the economy depend on vigorous growth in business investment. And that doesn’t seem to be happening.

    The bigger issue, however, may be longer term. Mr. Lazear was right about one thing: business investment plays an important role in raising productivity. High investment in equipment and software was one major reason for the productivity takeoff that began in the Clinton era, and continued in the early years of this decade.

    And low investment may be one reason productivity growth has slowed dramatically over the last three years — another development that hasn’t received as much attention as it should.

    In any case, next time someone tells you that any action that might reduce corporate profits a bit — like actually enforcing health and safety regulations or making it easier for workers to organize — will reduce business investment, bear in mind that today’s record profits aren’t being invested. Instead, they’re being used to enrich executives and a few lucky stock owners.

    _________________________

    Boehlert What haircut stories tell us about the press

    by Eric Boehlert

    Only because it would save time and make them more efficient, I think members of the Beltway press corps should consider starting up a new reporting pool, to duplicate the one currently in place for shadowing the president; the one that boasts a rotating cast of reporters who cover his every mundane move and then share the information. Except, instead of tailing the president at each public event, this new media pool would focus exclusively on the grooming habits of leading Democrats.

    Call it the haircut beat.

    Matt Drudge for years has done his best to stay on top of all the breaking haircut news, but with the 2008 campaign ramping up, no single person can be expected to monitor such an important press topic. News organizations would be wise to act now, rather than be caught flat-footed if and when news suddenly breaks that Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) has changed barbers, or Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) has opted for a different hair tint. After all, both stories, while admittedly trivial, could serve as telling metaphors for a modern-day campaign.

    It was only through hard work and focused determination that the Beltway press corps was able to stay on top of the recent John Edwards haircut blockbuster, after news broke that he had to reimburse his campaign for two pricey $400 haircuts. But how many times can reporters and pundits be expected to respond with such vigor? There needs to be some sort of collective newsroom mechanism in place so that no Democratic haircut lead goes unreported.

    Creepy media undercurrent

    Yes, I'm being facetious, but in the wake of the Edwards haircut saga, it's hard not to be contemptuous of the press. And I'm not just referring to its skewed pursuit of trivia. Fact: According to TVeyes.com, CNN aired more references to John Edwards' haircut than it did to Edwards' reaction to the Supreme Court's decision to uphold the ban on so-called partial birth abortions.

    Addressing the pressing topic of Edwards' trim recently on National Public Radio, which returned to the issue again and again, Vanity Fair's Todd Purdum phoned in to announce the story served as a telling metaphor for the campaign.

    I'll say. The only difference is Purdum thinks the story revealed a telling trait about the Edwards candidacy. I'm convinced the story exposed something far more informative about how the Beltway press operates.

    For one, haircut stories reveal a very creepy media undercurrent as millionaire pundits use the mini-controversies to prove that they -- unlike spurious Democrats -- are still in touch with their working roots. Why journalists feel they need to manufacture blue-collar bona fides remains unclear. (What are they running for?) Yet they regularly press the point in the context of supposedly unmasking "phony" Democrats.

    Teeing off on the breaking haircut news, New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd recently ridiculed Edwards. Referring to him as the Breck Girl and the Material Boy, she claimed Edwards' lavish lifestyle meant he wasn't qualified to talk about working-class woes in America. "You can't sell earnestness while indulging in decadence," she lectured Edwards.

    But to me, this was the most telling passage:

    Speaking of roots, my dad, a police detective who was in charge of Senate security, got haircuts at the Senate barbershop for 50 cents. He cut my three brothers' hair and did the same for anyone else in the neighborhood who wanted a free clip job.

    Belittling Edwards for being out of touch, Dowd felt the strange urge to prove she had a working-class bond, so she invoked her dad, the cop. Of course, it would have been more persuasive if Dowd had referenced something from her adult life, but since I'm guessing she pays more than $400 for her SoHo rinse and trims, dear old dad had to do.

    Meanwhile, NBC anchor Brian Williams appeared as a guest on David Letterman's show last week where discussion soon turned to Edwards' haircut. Asked what was the most he'd ever paid for a trim, Williams responded, "probably $12."

    Really? I have to pay $16, plus tip, for a trim at a little barbershop on Valley Avenue in the New Jersey 'burbs. But Williams, who lives in a restored farmhouse in Connecticut where he parks his 477-horsepower black Porsche GT2 (that is, when he's not decamping on the Upper East Side), gets his haircut for just $12. And remember, that's probably the most he's ever paid.

    Williams enjoys a $10 million salary. He's a celebrity journalist and recent Men's Vogue cover boy, who, up until just a few years ago, was probably known as much for his perfectly coiffed locks as he was his reporting skills. Yet, eager to project himself as one of the guys, Williams insists his trims cost chump change.

    And it wasn't haircut-related, but did you see NBC's Tim Russert being interviewed on Bill Moyers' recent documentary, Buying the War, which looked at the media's weak, lapdog performance during the run-up to the Iraq invasion? Pressed at one point about why he allowed himself and Meet the Press to be co-opted by the White House in 2002 and 2003, Russert responded, "I'm a blue-collar guy from Buffalo and I know who my sources are [and] I work 'em very hard" [emphasis added].

    Then again, presenting himself as a Working Joe has become something of an obsession with Russert over the years -- albeit a Working Joe who makes seven figures a year and, as the Daily Howler has noted, summers with the swells on Nantucket, lounging around in his multimillion-dollar beach island home; a "sprawling gray-shingled house, with rooftop sundeck and cutting garden," as Washingtonian magazine described it.

    The point is that journalists who often announce that Democratic haircut stories matter because they pierce the "folksy," working-class persona that campaigns work so hard to create, are often the same journalists who work so hard to create their own "folksy," working-class personas.

    Only Democratic haircuts count

    The problem is the media/haircut trend goes far beyond the recent Edwards hiccup, which everyone agrees was an obvious campaign misstep.

    The press has been perversely obsessed with the grooming habits of Democrats for years. In 2002, Matt Drudge created a press stir when, on the receiving end of a Republican National Committee leak, he reported that Sen. John Kerry (D-MA), "the self-described 'Man of The People' pays $150 to get his hair styled and shampooed, the cost of feeding a family of three for two weeks!!"

    Drudge's math only worked if that family of three ate king-size Snickers bars for each meal over those two weeks. (i.e. $1.19 per person, per meal.) But no matter, CNN treated the Kerry haircut story as news, with its Inside Politics host announcing, "Just two days after moving closer to a presidential race, John Kerry already is in denial mode."

    The coif of Sen. Clinton, as well as her salon bills, has been the topic of much debate while she's served in the Senate and earlier as first lady. For candidate Al Gore, the press, in search of clues to his "character," obsessed over his wardrobe rather than his haircuts.

    Of course, the granddaddy of the haircut capers came in 1993 when the Beltway press, led by The Washington Post, went absolutely bonkers over the fact that President Clinton received a haircut aboard Air Force One from a man who often charges $200 for a trim. The original stories also claimed everyday travelers at Los Angeles International Airport were delayed because of Clinton's vain ways. That part was later debunked, but the press continued to cling to the "Hair Force One" story as being a very big deal.

    The Post referenced the silly incident 50-plus times in less than 50 days, treating the hoax as a serious political story. And these papers all played the frivolous haircut story on the front page: The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Orlando Sentinel, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, San Francisco Chronicle, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, The Washington Post, and The Washington Times.

    Year in and year out, the press uses haircut stories to paint Democrats as vain (read: effeminate) hypocrites. Vain, because they care too much about how they look. And they're hypocrites because Democrats claim they care about working people, but in truth they only care about their appearances. (See "vain.") The press loves playing Hypocrite Police with Democrats. (Here's the Associated Press from last week scolding Democratic candidates for not jet-pooling to their South Carolina debate and failing to "to save money, fuel or emissions.")

    What's telling is that the press treats only Democratic haircuts as news. Personal grooming foibles and other potentially embarrassing issues of vanity on the Republican side are deemed to be beneath serious consideration because they don't reveal anything about the politician.

    President Bush wears $3,000 hand-made suits. And for the 2005 inauguration, Laura Bush sat for a $700 haircut from stylist-to-the-stars Sally Hershberger. The press, though, shows no interest in dissecting the First Couple's at times vain and extravagant lifestyle.

    Meanwhile, serving as president in the 1980s, Ronald Reagan was among the select number of American septuagenarians with a full head of dark, dark hair. Did vanity get the best of Reagan and did the former actor dye his locks in exchange for a more youthful, vigorous appearance? As Michael Kinsley noted in 1991, "Shortly after he left office, Reagan's head was shaved for brain surgery, and briefly, as it grew back, his hair was completely grey."

    Did Reagan's hair treatment serve as some sort of symbol for his presidency? At the time, the press corps came to the understandable conclusion that the issue was essentially pointless and it was not treated as news. In recent years, however, the press, with the help of mischief-making Republicans, has signed off on the notion that Democratic grooming habits are big news. They matter.

    I'm sure journalists would stress they never took the Edwards story all that seriously and that they shouldn't be scolded for having a little campaign fun.

    But in its Conventional Wisdom Watch column, Newsweek placed The Haircut directly behind the Virginia Tech massacre and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' Senate testimony as that week's most important news events. And a New York Times Week in Review piece included a roundup of key news developments and highlighted the surging stock market, the rise of the British pound, the record-setting amount of mutual funds distributed to investors last year, and yes, Edwards' costly trim.

    Indeed, if journalists truly thought the story was trivial, then the haircut details wouldn't have been picked up by CNN, MSNBC, National Public Radio, Fox News, Time, U.S. News & World Report, Newsweek, the Associated Press, The Arizona Republic, The Boston Globe, the Boston Herald, The Charlotte Observer, the Chicago Sun-Times, the Chicago Tribune, The Dallas Morning News, The Denver Post, The Des Moines Register, the Detroit Free Press, The Indianapolis Star, The Kansas City Star, the Los Angeles Times, the New York Post, The New York Times, The (Newark) Star-Ledger, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the San Francisco Chronicle, The Washington Post, The Washington Times, The Seattle Times, The Oregonian, and the San Antonio Express-News.

    Howard Kurtz, The Washington Post's media critic, addressed the haircut story not once but twice online. And according to Dave Johnson and James Boyce, writing at the Huffington Post last week, the haircut story spread rapidly: "If you do a Google search for pages that contain the words 'edwards', '$400' and 'haircut' there are already 187,000 web pages that contain those terms!"

    And lastly, note that while appearing on The Late Show with David Letterman, NBC's Williams agreed with the host when he said that the Edwards haircut story was "silly" and there was "no reason for us to continue talking about it." Yet just two days later, serving as moderator for a televised Democratic debate, Williams' second question to Edwards was about The Haircut.

    That tells us more about Williams the journalist than it does about Edwards the politician.

    Thursday, May 03, 2007

    Commentator uses name-calling more than once every seven seconds in 'Talking Points Memo'

    FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
    May 2, 2007

    Editors: Additional data, charts and the full text of the study are available online at http://journalism.indiana.edu/papers/oreilly.html.

    BLOOMINGTON, Ind. -- Bill O'Reilly may proclaim at the beginning of his program that viewers are entering the "No Spin Zone," but a new study by Indiana University media researchers found that the Fox News personality consistently paints certain people and groups as villains and others as victims to present the world, as he sees it, through political rhetoric.

    The IU researchers found that O'Reilly called a person or a group a derogatory name once every 6.8 seconds, on average, or nearly nine times every minute during the editorials that open his program each night.

    "It's obvious he's very big into calling people names, and he's very big into glittering generalities," said Mike Conway, assistant professor in the IU School of Journalism. "He's not very subtle. He's going to call people names, or he's going to paint something in a positive way, often without any real evidence to support that viewpoint."

    Maria Elizabeth Grabe, associate professor of telecommunications, added, "If one digs further into O'Reilly's rhetoric, it becomes clear that he sets up a pretty simplistic battle between good and evil. Our analysis points to very specific groups and people presented as good and evil."

    For their article in the spring issue of Journalism Studies, Conway, Grabe and Kevin Grieves, a doctoral student in journalism, studied six months worth, or 115 episodes, of O'Reilly's "Talking Points Memo" editorials using propaganda analysis techniques made popular after World War I.

    A 2005 Annenberg Public Policy Center survey found that while 30 percent of Americans viewed Washington Post and Watergate reporter Bob Woodward as a journalist, 40 percent of respondents considered O'Reilly to be a journalist.

    "We chose Bill O'Reilly because he has one of the most powerful political voices in the media today," Conway said. "But we wanted to get beyond the left versus the right finger-pointing, which seems to dominate most of the discussion of O'Reilly and other media pundits."

    Grabe added, "The promo of his show as a No Spin Zone -- that's where he opened the door for us."

    What the IU researchers found in their study, "Villains, Victims and Virtuous in Bill O'Reilly's 'No Spin Zone': Revisiting World War Propaganda Techniques," was that he was prone to inject fear into his commentaries and quick to resort to name-calling. He also frequently assigned roles or attributes -- such as "villians" or downright "evil" -- to people and groups.

    Using analysis techniques first developed in the 1930s by the Institute for Propaganda Analysis, Conway, Grabe and Grieves found that O'Reilly employed six of the seven propaganda devices nearly 13 times each minute in his editorials. His editorials also are presented on his Web site and in his newspaper columns.

    The seven propaganda devices include:

    • Name calling -- giving something a bad label to make the audience reject it without examining the evidence;
    • Glittering generalities -- the oppositie of name calling;
    • Card stacking -- the selective use of facts and half-truths;
    • Bandwagon -- appeals to the desire, common to most of us, to follow the crowd;
    • Plain folks -- an attempt to convince an audience that they, and their ideas, are "of the people";
    • Transfer -- carries over the authority, sanction and prestige of something we respect or dispute to something the speaker would want us to accept; and
    • Testimonials -- involving a respected (or disrespected) person endorsing or rejecting an idea or person.

    The same techniques were used during the late 1930s to study another prominent voice in a war-era, Father Charles Coughlin. His sermons evolved into a darker message of anti-Semitism and fascism, and he became a defender of Hitler and Mussolini. In this study, O'Reilly is a heavier and less-nuanced user of the propaganda devices than Coughlin.

    Among the findings:

    • Fear was used in more than half (52.4 percent) of the commentaries, and O'Reilly almost never offered a resolution to the threat. For example, in a commentary on "left-wing" media unfairly criticizing Attorney Gen. Alberto Gonzales for his role in the Abu Ghraib scandal, O'Reilly considered this an example of America "slowly losing freedom and core values," and added, "So what can be done? Unfortunately, not much."
    • The researchers identified 22 groups of people that O'Reilly referenced in his commentaries, and while all 22 were described by O'Reilly as bad at some point, the people and groups most frequently labeled bad were the political left -- Americans as a group and the media (except those media considered by O'Reilly to be on the right).
    • Left-leaning media (21.6 percent) made up the largest portion of bad people/groups, and media without a clear political leaning was the second largest (12.2 percent). When it came to evil people and groups, illegal aliens (26.8 percent) and terrorists (21.4 percent) were the largest groups.
    • O'Reilly never presented the political left, politicians/government officials not associated with a political party, left-leaning media, illegal aliens, criminals and terrorists as victims. "Thus, politicians and media, particularly of the left-leaning persuasion, are in the company of illegal aliens, criminals, terrorists -- never vulnerable to villainous forces and undeserving of empathy," the authors concluded.
    • According to O'Reilly, victims are those who were unfairly judged (40.5 percent), hurt physically (25.3 percent), undermined when they should be supported (20.3 percent) and hurt by moral violations of others (10.1 percent). Americans, the U.S. military and the Bush administration were the top victims in the data set, accounting for 68.3 percent of all victims.
    • One of O'Reilly's common responses to charges of bias is to come up with one or two examples of "proof" that he is fair to all groups. For example, in October 2005, Dallas Morning News columnist Macarena Hernandez accused O'Reilly of treating the southern border "as the birth of all American ills." O'Reilly responded by showing a video clip in which he had called Mexican workers "good people." He called for a boycott of the newspaper if it did not retract Hernandez' column.

    "Our results show a consistent pattern of O'Reilly casting non-Americans in a negative light. Both illegal aliens and foreigners were constructed as physical threats to the public and never featured in the role of victim or hero," the authors concluded.

    An earlier version of the study won a top faculty award from the Journalism Studies Division of the International Communication Association.